So I’ve tried to write this blog post a few times. Wrote something. Deleted it. wrote something again. Let it sit for a week, deleted it too.
I lost one of my most beloved kitties last week. July 25th. And this was right on the heels of learning of the deaths of Nicci Tristan and January Seraph. I didn’t know Nicci that well but she was a fixture in the international fetish scene. January and I was closer, and we shared a room together in Jamaica for the Miss Fetish Queen of the Universe Pageant. So we were pretty close, and I knew her well enough to know her life had it’s ups and downs.
This isn’t a fitting place for a proper tribute to my colleagues. I dunno. January will be missed. Though it had been a few years since I’d seen her last (probably Montreal Fetish Weekend), you’d always expect to see her at the next event.
So it was with this heavy heart that I decided that I really needed to pay attention to the things around me, and that I should stay indoors and spend time with my ailing kitty. I also had some really important artwork to do, so it turned out Leonidas was shut in that same part of the house the drawing table it set up in.
So him and I spent the whole day together. He was eating, going up and down the stairs okay (though I had put a pillow at the bottom of the stairs in case he had a tumble), taking his medicine and pooping like he should. He purred and sat on my lap and was pretty excited to spend the whole day with me. He got to roam the house a bit and get visits from the other cats. It was very sweet. I actually got my artwork all done, and that was a huge relief since this was a paid commission I had been procrastinating finishing up for months.
At about 5 am, I took Leonidas back from the other part of the house (I let him roam free, he wanted to be with the other cats), and had to shut him back in that one section again
He meowed. as I went off to bed. I woke up around noon and when I went to check on him, he was basically in his death spasms. Called the vet and brought him in, at which time putting him to sleep was just a formality. Wether it was a heart attack or stroke at this point who knows. He was only 9, but was down to less than 6 pounds and skin and bones. He died in my arms and the concluded that it was probably some sort of pancreatic cancer, because whatever I was doing to help him should have helped if it wasn’t cancer. Here’s what I looked like when he was a full grown kitten.
So, I’m pretty depressed right now. Yeah, I know, it’s just a cat. But 9 is too early to go, and though he was always going to be a cat with chronic health issues (he had a constant sneezing thing too), I thought, or had convinced myself that he was getting better.
Oh poor Leonidas. Leonitus. Leonidus. The vets always spelled his name wrong, and I could never remember which way was right, and I found myself spelling it 3 different ways. Anyway. When you’re a person who is probably never going to have children, its like yeah, losing one of your children.
But it’s weird how things happen. If I hadn’t have stayed indoors and worked on that artwork, I wouldn’t have gotten that last, full. solid day with him. If he had died a few days earlier when I thought I had been neglecting him (visiting him only to feed him and jam an eyedropper of foul tasting liquid down his gullet), I know I’d be feeling even worse.
He was a good kitty. A real good kitty. One of the best I’ve ever had, and gone before his time.
So. I’m trying now to throw myself into that work. It’s not like I haven’t gotten anything done, I did do some video shooting the day after, and I’m currently finishing up a new variation on an old shoot, which I will shoot later this week (it’s August now). But in general I have been trying to not force myself into doing things, and just try to let my feeling and my
In short, I’ve been more socially introverted lately, which isn’t great if you need to be constantly promoting yourself.
So I’m gonna hit “publish” and just throw this up there. The other project posts can all be separate. I sorta have to separate them, even I feel it’s weird mixing my porn posts with post about my departed pet.
But if your’e wondering where I’ve disappeared, that’s why. I’ll be back soon, don’t worry.