Fuck Winter, and trying to figure out what I should do next.

So, winter has thrown a few wrenches into my plans.  As I had mentioned before, my Vegas trip wasn’t quite as wonderful as it could have been, and though I have a bunch of content, I’m the first person to admit I’m not super thrilled by much of it.  I know when my stuff isn’t up to snuff, and it’s taking quite a bit of self-convincing to get myself editing the other shoot.  There’s only so much you can do with hotel room shoots, and when I can’t control every aspect of a shoot, the results are never quite as good.  Plus, I think it’s pretty apparent that the stress of the trip is evident on the pictures themselves.

In short, I want to move on to whatever’s next.  And what’s next, is something of a mess.

Before I went off to Vegas, I had made a big push to work on some sets for like 4 shoots, which I had hoped to get done in rapid-fire succession.  But of those 4, “Glory Hole-elujah” was the only one that got done, and the other 3 are still in progress.

Trouble is, I had a double (triple?) whammy of misfortune after Vegas.  The trip wasn’t super profitable, plus I came home to a incresingly shitty political climate, which hey, affects anyone of my political leanings.  And though I did get away for a weeked to recharge, once I got back from that, I fell pretty sick with whatever the flu or cold that’s been going around.  And when you’re self employed, you just can’t pay yourself sick days.  Nope, you’re basically screwed if you can’t do the work and make the money to survive.  And though the website sorta keeps crusing along, a slowdown in website activity does affect memberships and people sticking around.

However, I do think I have to give myself some credit.  I ran into a couple of my peers in the trans porn website business, and was shocked to learn that there are some in my business that haven’t updated their member’s website in months or even YEARS!   I don’t really know how these people keep paying their bills because you’d certainly think it’s not from website membership revenues!  So maybe in the grand scheme of things, I’m not really doing that badly.

So, the weekend that I was sick, that was supposed to be the weekend that I was going to plant my ass down in front of the webcam and at least put in 6 or 7 hours of solid camming, and get myself a cushion of checks in the mail on the way to me.  The nice thing about working on a site like streamate is that if you need to make the money, you just have to work at it and it can be made, though I’m still learning when the busy times are.

Well, I wasn’t able to cam the weekend I was sick, but I bounced back a little this week.  However, some unpaid bills came up, and partly as a result of being sick (where your brain just gets focussed on not dying), I basically ran out of heating oil in the studio, rendering all that work done there on sets moot,  unless we got some sort of heat wave (like, in the 40’s or 50s)

So I’m like fuck, I gotta pay my homeowners insurance, or my car insurance, or get an oil delivery, or pay a credit card bill, and guess what?  I can only pick one of these, not all four.  And you can’t NOT pay your homeowners insurance, that’s really not a think you can just lapse on.  But without heat in the studio, All that month of effort on sets and whatever is just sorta going to waste.

I was going to try to do a “Valentine’s Camshow Tarathon”, sort of like the one I did for Christmas, which if you remember, wasn’t that much of a success, but then again, I’m like scrambling to do anything that can bring some money in even if at best, it’s some checks that I won’t see for a week or two.

But then I got some ideas for outfits that are sort of Valentines-y, but can’t shoot without heat.  So I put the word out on Facebook that there’s only one thing I want for Valentines Day, not lingerie, not chocolates, not shoes, not Amazon gift cards, none of that.  I  just need to get a friggin’ oil delivery for the studio so I can continue production on those shoots I had spent a month building sets for.

And I want to thank everyone who gave to my paypal  (tara_mistress@yahoo.com).  I got more than enough for an oil delivery, and probably that oil delivery will last me the rest of the winter, so THANK YOU EVERYONE, once I get the oil delivered, I can basically almost not skip a beat!  Sure, I’ll be doing some shoots in my house, but it was so frustrating to have all this set work done and then whoops!  no heat!  (and just so you know, my studio space is far too large of a room to heat with space heaters, in fact, I usually have to use a combination of the furnace in there, with some space heaters in places so that I can do anything out there in the winter).

So, I’m going to continue with some of these ideas for shoots I want to do, though none of them will probably hit the site before Valentine’s Day.  Not that I think anyone really cares if my “Valentines” themed shoot hits my site on like February 20th or anything.. I seriously doubt that there is a single fan of mine that woud look at something with hearts on it and sees is the week after and proclaims that all the context is lost becuase it’s late!  Who fucking cares?  I seriously doubt any fap-worthiness diminishes if it’s not super duper punctual.

Thank you for everyone’s help.  It’s snowing pretty bad out there today, but hopefully I’ll have the heat going in the studio tomorrow, and I’ll be back in progress.  And with any luck, things will warm up again by the end of the month so that some of this damn snow will melt too.

With a little bit more luck, maybe I’ll find some unreleased content or something to throw  up on the site in the meantime.  I have a couple of unreleased shoots from the last few years I’m not sure if I can make something out of.  I think the most important thing is that I can’t keep stressing myself out about this.  The worst thing is stress, because when I’m stressed, I can’t relax enough to take decent pictures that have a good erotic energy to them and that feeds into things spiralling downward and then the whole system starts to crash, and none of that is any good.

-Tara

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