So I don’t think there will be a website update for this month. And my message to my fans is “Tough luck, I’m burnt out”.
I’ve been doing this website for 15 years and I’m tired of it. I’m not in a good place right now. I seem to be surrounded by unfinished and unfinishable projects. Most of my energies have gone to working at the Satin Doll 3 nights a week, mostly because there’s a very real threat that it won’t be in business in about a month. It would simply be one thing if they were considering getting rid of the TS dancers because of all the problems I’ve described before, but there’s an interested buyer in the property, and long story short, if we can’t make it work, the owners will sell. And seeing as the rats are fleeing the sinking ship, I’m guessing we got about another month and then it’s all done.
However things are not all gloom and doom. There’s some good of fashioned nightmares to add to that. I inexplicably decided to start working on part of my house a month ago, without really figuring out how I was going to wrap things up. So now I’m at this point where I completely lost interest in finishing replacing the floors in what was my second bathroom. Then on top of that it looks like I won’t have anything bigger than a pair of scissors to cut my grass with everything, even my car seems to be breaking around me and I just want to scream (well, I already have had a few screaming fits) and get the fuck out of here and away from all my problems.
It’s hard for me to see it but maybe there are some things that I really should consider victories, though to me, they just seem like not nearly enough. I have made some incremental progress on a few outfits, but as of yet that hasn’t translated into any new shoots for my site, which is why I’m saying that I don’t think I’m going to get much done on my site this month. If anything, I really do need a vacation. I need to recharge my batteries and be around like minded people and rekindled my interest in fetish and costuming and all that. I mean, working at the Satin Doll pushes certain buttons but I do admit it can be a bit degrading and I’m not relishing the idea of working there much longer anyway. If it does close, it’s probably just about the right time for me as I’d rather do performing then sleazy lap dancing anyway.
Thankfully, that vacation I’m speaking of is coming tomorrow, though I’m stressed out just getting everything ready for it, and beating myself up for not getting done nearly the amount of stuff I wanted to do as I planned.
Fuck this, I’m off to Fort Lauderdale for Fetish Factory’s XXth Anniversary weekend. And yeah, I’m not sure what I’m going to wear. At the very least, I’m packing “Strawberries and Cream”, “Sugar Rush” and a new variation of “Polka Hearts”. My biggest concern is how the hell I’m going to pack those gigantic hats safely so they don’t get destroyed in my luggage (it looks like I can, though it means bringing a old-style suitcase just for two hats and whatever squishables I can gently pack around them).
I also did make a new sort of bimbo-themed nano-bikini for the pool party which came out nicely. I can’t tell you how much I just want to switch off my brain and be a pretty fucktoy this coming weekend.
Sadly, though I don’t have time to do any shoots with any of these outifts before I go. And even if I did, the editing process is a 2 day slog so it wouldn’t hit the site until after I got back.
UPDATE- Anyway, what I wrote up to that last paragraph was on Tuesday, I was admittedly feeling strapped for time, so I actually changed my flight to arrive on Thursday instead of Wednesday. I had actually accidentally booked my flight a day too early and it had become clear that I really needed one more day before leaving, rather than having one more day sitting around doing nothing in Florida.
And I actually feel a lot better because I got to relax and take the rest of Tuesday off. And that left Wednesday for tying up loose ends and packing, and actually instead it turned out that I got inspired to finally make that tattoo art I’ve been meaning to make.
Allow me to backtrack a bit. A while back I made an outfit I’m caling “Cherry Bomb”, and I reached a stopping point with the set, which was a giant set of cherries that I’m going to sit on.
And the cherries are these big exercise balls that I haven’t quite figured out how I’m going to attach the stems from them or keep from from moving around while I sit on them. They’re sitting in my studio right now. But also I really had my heart set of having some ink on my arm when I did the shoot, even if it wasn’t really a real tattoo.
So I had bought some inkjet printer tattoo paper but hadn’t got around to doing the art I really wanted to do, which is nice because I had that extra day today and finally I was fucking inspired to do something. I did a first version of the artwork which wasn’t working. I think all the black outlines around the details which really didn’t need black outlines around them was killing it.
So I scrapped it, forced myself to change my style (and looked at real anime and tattoo art for inspiration), and came up with this:
I was so overjoyed with how this loooked compared to the first version I whipped up another page of smaller tattoos, including one for over the breasts.
Feeling pretty good about what I got accomplished in a day (and pretty much all from inception to completion in a day), I printed out my first sheet, only to have the black ink bleed horribly.. Turns out the paper I bought was for color copiers and laser printers. FUCK!! I had spent all day on something I really wanted to have ready to go for Florida and now it was all for not, unless.. Shit I thought, there’s a color copier at Staples and they close in 20 minutes and it’s a 15 minute drive.
So I made it to Staples and got my copies, but I went ahead and used the screwed up-bleeding black copies as a test and tried out some of the temporary tattoos on myself. The results don’t look half bad, and keep in mind these were made from the messed up prints.