Coquette Cumpot!

Ah, remind me never to start shooting a shoot at like 1am.  But that’s what often happens when you spend all day putting together (an maybe overdoing) a set.


So there’s a new shoot on my site, called “Coquette Cumpot”.  And there’s a long story to it, but I’m feeling like writing so you’re gonna get the whole story!

First off, I started this outfit back in September and originally I was making it for Montreal Fetish Weekend.  I didn’t get it done for that, so I put is aside for a while.

The I wrapped it up mostly thinking that I might bring it to AVN, then I thought to myself maybe it was a little too weird and left field for that show, and seeing as I haven’t been to AVN in ages, anything I made in the last 5 years is new to them, so again, it got shelved.

But when I got back from AVN there was this great smutty Victorian creation of mine waiting for me.  After concentrating on my video update, a few days ago we had a warm spell so it wasn’t restrictively cold out in my studio.  I knew cold weather and a snowstorm was on it’s way, so this was my best chance to get it done.

So the original plan was to shoot at 6pm.  Then it took longer to assemble all the set bits and pieces.  Maybe i should have gone simple to counterbalance the busy outfit, but for whatever reason I decided to make the background as busy as the outfit.  Sort of old trap of “Well I put this much effort into the outfit, I’d hate for the set to look like an afterthought”.

I dragged this old Victorian parts cabinet out into the studio.  I put up tons of frames.  I set up far more crap in the background than maybe I needed.   There’s stuff there you don’t even see in a lot of the photographs, but the purpose of a big set is best summed up by what I tell people who shoot video of me.

People tend t get hung up on trying to show the whole set in every shot, and that’s not the point.  So I tell them the purpose of a big set is so that you can get  more angles of me and there’s always something in the background.  It’s not about the set, it’s about the model.

So everything dragged on till after midnight and I was only finally ready to shoot.  Ever wonder why I self-shoot 95% of my shoots?  Often because I’m never ready when I say I should be.  Now if I shoot with a photographer at someone’s house or something like that, I’m always on time.  But when left to my own devices I tend to obsess over details and it drags on.  But hey, I was still awake and the studio was warm so let’s down an energy drink and do this thing!

Now I thought I had the lighting how I wanted it to be (3 point with a nice rim light giving me that “Suze Randall” look).  But somehow the rim light got blown out by the 2 main softboxes so I didn’t quite get the effect I wanted.

Worse still, my white balance setting on my camera somehow got screwed up.  Since I tend to always use the same lighting kit for each shoot, I tend to stick with an white balance setting that I did a while ago.  But I brought my camera with me to Vegas and somehow the settings got changed, and I ended up using the automatic setting, which I think when you start to get a little foggy at 1am I’m like “automatic is good, right?”, and I stuck with that.  I think though that maybe I need to get into the habit of re-setting the white balance every time I shoot.

Only when I downloaded the pix to my computer did I see how red and orange-y they were.  Yuck!  So the only way to save them was to tweak them a bit and in the process I lost a lot f color information  – which is ok since I tend to like to make my color palate limited to fewer colors.  I do think it might have been a mistake to have the gold picture frames in the background, and as it is, there’s like no greens or blues in these pictures at all, and yellow should have gone too.  Since I was going for a faded look, and making them all sepia-toned would have gone too far, I think they came out fine with the tweaks I had to do.  Although when you compare them side by side the originals don’t look so bad now, but to my eyes they were far too pink, red and orange-y.

Anyway,  I still don’t know if I made the right decision about tweaking the colors.  What do you think?  I wanted to look goth-y pale but is it too porcelain pale?

top half- before. bottom half-after

Then of course whatever was I going to call this shoot?  I had been throwing the term “Vaudeville something” around and that didn’t fit.   While searching for Victorian and French looking fonts (since pink and black seem to be associated with late 19th century Paris) I jotted a bunch of arcane words down on a sheet of paper.  I was amazed that somehow the word “Coquette” had never been used for one of my shoots.  I was then going to go for something tame like “Striped Coquette” but my deliciously gutter minded sensibilities won out and I went with “Coquette Cumpot”.  And though I am not filled with cum in this shoot (if only!) there is a pretty epic pop shot.

And the juxtaposition of oldey timey words and dirty, filthy pet names is what I do.  This is my art.  My art is really the intersection of historical fantasy and filthy sexy trans porn.

So here’s “Coquette Cumpot”!  If you loved “The Sex Machine” and “National Pornographic”, you’ll love this shoot, even if the background is a little busy.

And that list of words?  Well, they’re giving me all sorts of ideas for new shoots!

-Tara

 

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Bigger, Tighter, Upscaled and Up-rezzed…

Oh hey, I finally got a video update up to my site, and one can see it as a sign of things to come, and a LOT of work ahead of me.

Four clips just went up, and they are “Aviatrix”, “Sweet Lolita”, “Sugar Rush” and “Minty Fresh”.

Now the reason it had taken so long for this update was a combination of lack of computer power and the composition of music was holding things up.  So in most of these videos I just re-used some of the previous music I had composed in Garage Band (which is perfectly fine for porn).

However, certain conditions that existed years ago no longer apply, such as the fact that for years I have been capturing and edting footage in Standard (740 x 480) Definition, when the footage was shot on HD (1080i) which even though today we live in a 4k wo  primarily for the eventual output to DVD format.  I also had a computer that could not edit HD very well at all, which I’ve since upgraded.

This means that the final edits for any of my web videos since 2010 was done in a far lower resolution than the original source was.  In 2010 my web server also charged by bandwidth so I was motovated to make my website videos as small as possible since I ran a real risk of actually losing money on my website, for example if there was password sharing or nafarious individuals were doing site rips.

But those rules aren’t so crucial now – I think I have unlimited bandwidth, plus compression has gotten better, so the possibility for HD video on my site has existed for a while.

So “Sweet Lolita” and “Aviatrix” are in SD, and I just threw them up there because they were already done and ready to go.   But the real yumminess lies in the videos for “Sugar Rush” and “Minty Fresh” now in HD 720.  My newer version of Final Cut has much better filters and “Sugar Rush” looks beautiful in particular.  The HD 720 my just be a temporary thing too.  They’re edited in 1080i so once I experiment a bit more with finding the sweet spot for compression settings, the final website videos might end up in 1080i too.

Yeah yeah I know, 1080i is not as good as 1080p and both pale to full HD or 4k HD but cut me some slack, I’m working with what I got and a pretty low budget.  Ahead of me I have a huge backlog of videos from 2010 to 2015 that now I need to go  back in and re-capture from the source and re-edit in HD.  So far I don’t know if there’s a simple way to do that like use your existing timeline and just swap out your SD footage with HD (If only it was that easy!)

If I have to re-edit from scratch, on my shorter web videos I can do scene by scene and it’s something I can tackle a little at a time.  On a HUGE project like UNS, I’d have to ed-edit all this :

If you know anything about Final Cut or just video editing in general, you probably know that that’s a lot of cuts, and doing that all over from scratch is gonna be a mammoth task, though on the bright side I just use the old edit as a guidline for the new edit, meaning that I don’t have to agonize again over which take to use, etc.

So in short, HD videos have finally arrived on tara-ts.com.  I will probably do some kind of replacing of the page itself that shows the videos, but for now I’m just updating the old html pages.  Also I am just dealing with one format for the new videos, but I’m sure the more research I do I might come up with something better.

This is also part of a general improvement in quality of my whole site in general as for years I have been talking about re-doing my older shoots (everything since 2003 was shot at least in 4mp), but it’s not a simpe matter of hitting a button and up-rezzing small pictures.  You gotta start from the source and re-do it from scratch.   But since there are always new fans discovering my old work, it’s worth it.

Hang on, be patient, there’s more to come!

-Tara

Posted in Video Updates | 5 Comments

AVN Something something something…

Hey, I’m out in Vegas. I have a lot to report.  So much I’m not sure where to begin.

First off, I betcha a lot of ya didn’t even know I was even going to be here.  Chalk that up to  just being too busy to have hyped up the trip.  It all came together about a month ago as a possibility.

I have not done much mainstream hardcore TS adult work except a few scenes for Shemale-Club and a few other sites back in like ’09 or ’10.  Christian XXX had been wanting to do a scene with me for years and we never seemed to make it happen even though I was in LA for the Tranny Awards (now TEAs) back in ’13.

So we made a good deal for me to get out here and shoot some scenes while the AVN convention was going on, so I could prance around the show like I’m expected to do.  I sorta decided that I should wear my best outfits even if they aren’t typical of the porn biz.  As I am in the middle of my own transition into this living “futanari fuckdoll” thing, I brought my most ridiculous.  As you can see I never, ever pack light..


You may have seen selfies of this dress I made last year, and it was the perfect dress for our hot Stepford-wife fantasy in a scene I think we’re calling “Wife Material”.  This set (with video too) will be on pure-ts.com as well as my own site once I do all the production work and editing.  The scene was hot and I guess this means I’m a real ts porn starlet now!  It also helped that Christian had waited like 5 years to get to do a scene with me, so good things come to those who wait!


2 days later we did a second hot scene, and I think both scenes make me look pretty good.  With any luck this will be the start of many more hot scenes to come in the adult biz.  I really do enjoy demonstrating my pornstar skills that I honed a bit back when I stripped for a year.

I also did another scene that I will have more to report on when I get some of the pix or see it on its own site.  But for now let’s just say I loved doing these scenes and I hope to do a lot lot more.  This is what I’ve been wanting to do for a while, and actually I had been holding off for a few years knowing that I wanted to wait until I got my bigger tits.  So you can only imagine what I plan to do once I get some other work done to make me even prettier..  Oh whats that? You don’t know what I’m talking about?  Go check out this link to my FFS kickstarter…  I’ve got like a week left and I’d like to at least get to half of my goal, so I can at least schedule my surgery for sometime this coming spring…

So those 3 shoots kept me really busy the first 3 days I was here.  Yesterday  (friday), I finally got to hit the show floor, and I made a good impression looking like Willy Wonka’s Wet Dream..

There’s really an overwhelming amount of things to report on, and a lot of new people I met that I’m going to have to look up when I come out west again.  I believe this is Mistress Fistalots (I might have garbled that name a little bit), I think from the west coast kink contingent.   I’m happy to see there was a diverse alternative and kink presence at this show.   I also got to meet Kitty Stryker,  of internet modeling and writing fame, and she was just as much of a delight to meet in person.  The biggest change I’ve noticed at this show from ’10 when I was here last is the growth of all the non mainstream genres, the TS, the BBW, the geek porn, all the types of erotic entertainment that aren’t the cookie-cutter blonde bimbo doll look, even if I sometimes aspire to do that blonde bimbo doll look.  So of course there’s room for a flesh and blood futanari sex doll like me.
Oh gosh, lets see, more random pictures.  I didn’t quite take as many selfies as I should have.  Convention pictures shot under harsh hotel ballroom lighting from above tend to look like blah, y’know. But I got some good shots too.

So yeah, I brought around a pretty large suitcase with me and got changed into the last bits of my outfit in the bathroom.  And I made the mistake of changing in a normal sized stall instead of stealing the handicapped stall (I apologize to all the handicapped people!).   It may or may not surprise many of you that I have changed outfits many a time in a bathroom and this was like the worst experience I had ever had.  Once I opened my suitcase onto the floor I had no place to stand.  I was managing ok until at one point I stood up quick and jammed my shin right into the sharp corner of the stainless steel t.p. dispenser.

Oops I thought I had a picture of it, maybe its better that I didn’t.  So for most of the show yesterday I was walking around with what looked like an arrow wound in my leg.  Hopefully I don’t get gangrene or something.  Ah, its but a small price to pay to look great.  But from that point on, I’m never picking a regular sized stall to change in.

So there were 3 costume changes at AVN.  First was Minty Fresh and second I wore Cherry Bomb, but I didn’t last that long in that one because the cherry-themed shoes were damn painful, way more ouchey than the previous pair.  So eventually I changed into something a bit more generic pornstar/almost normal.


After that I had dinner with Kylie Maria and Stefani Special who were some of the most down to earth and hottest TS stars in the business right now!

A quick jaunt back to my hotel room to quick change into outfit #5 for the day, “Strawberries and Cream” to go to the Syren club night hosted by Venus Lux and my old friend Mia Isabella, who I hadn’t seen in like 5 years…


There were red carpet pictures taken ( I brought the big hat too) but I have yet to see them yet.  You’re just gonna have to settle for iPhone 4 selfies for the time being..

Came home at the end of the night to lick my wounds.  I was in heels of one form or another for like 14 hours straight.  And the corset left a lot of nice marks on my body.

Trust me, there’s lots of pain in beauty. So today I’m chilling a bit and maybe will make it up to the show again, and while I’m not hitting the awards show (everyone I ever met who went said it was expensive and dull) I will be hitting Michelle Austin’s after party at Las Vegas Lounge afterwards.
And here’s me today , a little hung over and pooped out.

And then I fly home sunday.  Looks like both of my flights are OK to go considering I’m flying over an area where they just got a blizzard.  I’m looking forward to working on my site and getting that video update up that I was working on so diligently when I had to pack up and leave.

See you back in New England soon!

 

-Tara

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How could going to a Best Buy store make me cry?

 

If anyone has been following my regular facebook feed today knows, I’ve been having a lot of shit problems with shit equipment but there’s something that I could only call -wrong- or simply broken in my brain that tells me that’s all I deserve.  And the more I think about it the more I know it’s because we grew up dirt poor and my dad kinda kept us dirt poor and without a lot of even basic things that people pretty much take for granted (hot water for a decade, for example).
And though I don’t talk about this too much in the video about how my divorce affected my ability to see the way forward, I do know that I’ve been rather lost without a creative and/or business partner to keep me going.  My ex may have been many things but she was always that to me.  Losing that several years back made me sorts lose my way on video projects and keeping up to date with equipment that can get the projects done that show me at my best.
I went to Best Buy today to get a hard drive enclosure that you can just plug old drives into like sticking a nintendo cartridge in a slot, since apparently they make these things but hey this is the first I had heard of it.  And walking in there I decided -why not check out the new imacs and even though they only represent a small fraction of all the new tech in that store, they blew me away and looking at them I got that itch for new stuff that I hadn’t had since the last time I bought a brand new computer back in like 2001, or 2003 when i think i bought a new laptop.  Somewhere in there I lost my way, and thought that I only deserved crap because I devalued myself.  Losing someone who was your biggest cheerleader and never really getting that out of someone else is something very difficult to get over.
Leaving the store I was sobbing.  Shit, I probably could scrape up enough money to buy a BRAND new machine and go to town with it (though i’d have to start from scratch with software)…  I actually write this on the macbook that I finally caved in and got just so that I could do webcamming, and the small purchase price of it (used computer from 2008, $200) pretty much paid for itself on the camsites the night I bought it.  Maybe what I could do on a new (or even 3 or 4 year old- but hey, that’s me again lowering my sights rearing it’s ugly head again) imac or desktop machine could expand my potential as an artist.  Or maybe like I’ve always maintained that the tech doesn’t really make you a better artist.   But if the tech is holding me back, and wrecking my ability to make money, resulting in the inability to keep current, resulting in less money… what a vicious cycle.
I know it’s ridiculous getting emotional about computer equipment, but when it’s so tied in with my art and my art is a reflection of my happiness, maybe I can get emotional about it.
Anyway, that’s how I ended my day.  And of those fans of mine waiting for a website update, I have to admit it might take longer than I hoped, because the amount of work ahead of me is staggering.
Thanks-Tara

Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments

Gettin’ it done with “Cherry Bomb”

And so this finally happened…  Yay! FINALLY.

“Cherry Bomb!”, a shoot I’ve been talkng about forever, for an outfit that I finished like a year and a half ago…

Where to start with this shoot by simply saying that I finally got around to finishing it, and it’s a good lesson for me to learn about being adaptable to disasters and just getting shit done and out of the way, and fuck it let’s work with what we got cuz it’s better than nothing!. No more of this -as my mom would quip- “things getting put on the back burner and then falling down behind the stove”.

Like over a year ago I had made some progress on the “set”, if you could call it that.  Basically I had this idea in my head about me sitting on huge cherries built out of big red exercise balls and whatever.  I even had this crazy idea of posing with my legs open on the cherries, and wearing ballet heels.  I think you probably got tired of me posting pictures of this, saying that something was on it’s way…

So I finally decided I should just get this shoot over with and I had a helper this time which would be invaluable if I was going to attempt to actually sit on these and put my legs up in the air.  I epoxied them down to the bases (made from two large pieces of pvc pipe painted flat black to blend into the background), epoxied them to each other, and called it a day.   I figured maybe I could get a few pictures off before the whole set fell apart.  If only I was so lucky!

Well, as I was setting up the lights I bumped the set with the ladder and the whole thing fell to bits, apparently trying to glue inflatable flexible things to hard plastic was so full of not gonna happen, that in the end I decided just to set something comfortable up in front of it and shoot on that and just use the cherries as a backdrop.  And the results came out way better than if I had limited myself to trying to sit on the cherries for every single picture.

That’s what sucks about being a perfectionist,  you get it stuck in your head that things have to be a certain way, and over the course of a year I spent hemming and hawing about how the fuck I was going to pull this off, while doing other shoots on the side, finally getting to the point where I just had to run with what I had and adapt to what actually worked.

And I’m quite happy with the results.

I was also fairly indecisive about the hairstyle, and in the end decided to go with the original concept of a huge Nanny Dickering style hairdo.  “Nanny Dickering” was a this cartoon bimbo character from Cracked magazine in the 80′s and I guess that was something that stuck in my head when I started drawing erotica way back then.  And this shoot also sees the return of bad-ass tatted Tara too!

You’ve probably seen and heard of my adventures in ambitious temporary body art, and this shoot I had envisioned sleeves of tats and a chestpiece for it.  The results didn’t quite come out as well as I wanted though.  The previous paper I used (if you can call it “paper”) was a color photocopier fed- waterslide decal paper for skin, and those results looked realistic, but were very difficult to apply and even harder to remove.

This time I got a different brand of paper that was for inkjet printers (saving me from the trip to Staples to feed my pornogrpahic artwork into a color copier in front of people in public), and while the result was easier to apply, the final effect looks faker because it’s kind of like a glossy sticker that’s all shiny and wrinkly on your skin.  It’s hard to describe the difference, and I’m not sure if it’s because it’s a different printer, or different brands of paper, but I’m still experimenting with trying to make something that looks great on camera without actually being real. Some people might think that’s disrespectful of ink culture or body art, but as you know, my body is my own canvas and I play a cast of thousands and at this time I don’t want to limit myself to what sorts of looks I can do.  That said, I think if I was to really get tattoos, I would limit myself to the sleeves and not really do a chestpiece.

So the results looked a bit fakey, but I did go out to a dark club later that night and people who knew me but hadn’t seen me in a while were all shocked at this apparent turn to a life of tatted badassery hey, whatever people want to think that’s fine by me!

So my friend and I rattled off about 300-something photos, and by the end I did manage to get a few with me “sitting” on the cherries.

Well, more like straddling the cherries and holding it all together with my hands hoping I didn’t slide down between them because somehow in my haste I forgot to even secure the bases to the floor.

Even though when first built the thing I could technically sit on them, the reality of actually sitting on them in a restrictive corset and heels was so impractical we decided the best thing to do was attempt any pictures like that last.  If a set is likely going to get destroyed in a shoot, do those risky pictures last, not first!

Actually it turned out way better to pose in front of them instead of on them.

I also learned a hard lesson that fake fur+lube+sticky sex toys is a bad, bad combination!  I am glad that I had a helper to take the shots though, as lubey latex gloved hands and camera buttons are also two things that really shoudn’t ever meet.

And we also shot video, too!   Though like most video that will follow later on, after the pictures are up.  I’m working on a big video update for January that includes stuff over the last year, and it’s part of a site overhaul that I want to have done for this month, to conicide with my trip to AVN in a few weeks.


So enjoy “Cherry Bomb” when I upload the roughly 190 pix to my site in a few days.  Now that it’s finally done, I tossed the cardboard green leaves and gold stems (they were just pvc pipe), and now I have two big red exercise balls I’m not sure what to do with.  I guess I could actually do what they were intended for, right?  Not that I go to the gym or exercise much but I guess it’s not too late to start!

Onward to whatever is next!

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, New shoot!, Tara's fetish designs | 8 Comments

And to close out 2015… Lavender Swirl!

Here’s the next set I’m working on for www.taraemory.com

Called “Lavender Swirl”,  it’s a nice new spin on an older outfit, last used in “Candyland”, but overwhelmed in that shoot by the scope of the background set.  So here we see it in much simpler surroundings.

It’s looking like about 180-190 pictures.  I’ve gotta learn to prune my shoots down to less than 200 so I can get these things out thrice monthly, which is my target productivity.

Anyway, things are looking up a little bit on  my site, and I’m re-energized to do some really interesting shoots and outfits and taking my site in a whole new direction.

The best way to support my site is to join www.taraemory.com or be a contributor to my FFS fund!

Oh, and someone fabulous is going to be crashing AVN in Vegas in a few weeks!

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, Furs, New shoot! | 4 Comments

A Christmas Surprise!

So I said I wasn’t going to do a holiday themed shoot this year.  At the last minute (like literally Christmas Eve afternoon), I whipped this up.  I almost managed to edit them all over the rest of the days, until my eyes went bleary and I had to go to sleep.

Which means I picked this up this morning, and yes, you can say that I actually worked on Christmas.  Either that’s dedication or a sign of desperation, I’m not sure.  Actually, I’m not sure about anything for next year.  I’m getting flashes of inspiration and at the same time I’m feeling like I have to make it big in 2016 or I’m just going to fold up the whole operation and start a career in something else.  Anyway, here are some samples..

Anyway, I’m really working on a nice, nice gape, if you’re into that sort of thing…


So the whole set is 193 pictures.  Join my site if you don’t belong, that would be the best Christmas present to me, and to yourself.

Merry Christmas

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, New shoot! | 7 Comments

And then a light bulb went on over my head.

So this year has been pretty rough for me, though at the end of it I’m feeling more confident about my career.

I admit, that over the past couple of  years I mighta sorta kinda dropped the ball on my website, and a big part of that was that parts of me were uncertain about what I wanted to do and even in some ways, embarrassed at my own work.

I suppose I ought to backtrack a little bit.  Years ago when I first started my studio and moved into the house I later bought (which does take up a bit of my time renovating- but you’ll probably see me do shoots in all of it eventually), I was married to a girl who was a fetish model, part time dominatrix and fetish scene personality but it did ended in a very emotional divorce.  It’s too complicated to go into the details of how and why it all ended (I’ll leave that to my memoir), and I won’t even go so far as to say that it was a huge misstep in my life (although I think a lot of people think I’m better off framing it that way).  I’m glad I did it, and there was a grand plan to everything and my studio and her were all part of a business plan.

Everyone is wondering whatever happened to Uranus Needs Shemales?  Well, that was a project that she was helping me on, even taking part in the writing and acting.  I’ve obviously done a lot of work on that movie since she left, but there was always an air of bad juju about it, and I found myself reluctant to revisit it.  Recently I had a film crew at my place doing a project about me and I was showing them the progress so far, and I was actually embarrassed at the cheesiness of it, and thinking “Oh god, do I want to be known for making this cheesy, awful thing?”.

Top it all off with the vitriol thrown at me during the divorce and accusations from her that I was a “sex addict” and “lived in fantasyland”(eyeroll) and I had many many years of a lot of doubt about what I was doing, what I had turned myself into, and although I have obviously managed to get it all together here and there and had awesome shoots, I have not been nearly as productive as I should  have been in order to maintain a good amount of constant memberships to my site.  That’s why my memberships are like a fraction of a percent of the amount of twitter followers I have.  It’s rather disheartening to find out just how few of my fans will actually pay for the erotic entertainment that I provide.

So then comes a terrible cycle.  I get depressed because my site isn’t doing so well, so I don’t so as many shoots and I should, or I feel old and tired and irrelevant.  Or just simply overwhelmed with life. And then that guilty thinking seeps in that perhaps all those horrible things my ex said about me were all true.  Add to that that her family was always embarrassed to have me as part of their family and they never ever spoke to me unless absolutely necessary.  None of them ever saw anything about what I did that was extraordinary or unique.  I don’t expect people to always warm up to me but there’s simply something wrong with you if you can’t at least be a tiny bit impressed with my accomplishments or just the diversity of my interests and presentation.  This family was frighteningly conservative and only ever ever saw me as something to be hidden and god I hope she goes away, and well, they got their wish.  That’s a sort of abuse, plain and simple.  And admittedly, I do have to work myself up to think like this, it was far more passive but I never felt welcome there.

For someone who was labelled a “sex addict” by her ex,  I had quite a few years there of amazing dry spells.  And it doesn’t take much digging around the internet that pretty much everyone is horny all the time, and if they’re not, well, you’re probably suppressing  it with religion or society shaming them or something terrible.  Trust me, there’s no such thing as a “sex addict”.  What a load of bullshit.

So I lost my way there here and there.  But in the past few weeks I’ve been reminded of what I am and what I do and what my potential is.  I don’t want to do into too  many details but I did meet someone who makes me feel wonderful about who I am and what I should be.   Someone who makes me feel absolutely gorgeous and sexy and seems to support me being a complete and total sex goddess.  And someone who encourages me to take advantage of all the people who want to further my goals.  Actually there are a few certain special friends I’ve made recently, not all of them I have a sexual relationship with, but I’m finally- after years of wandering- starting to put together a good support system of friends and supporters in my area.

Stripping at the Satin Doll last year proved to myself that I still “had it”, even if I had to endure the immature jealousy of the younger girls (which I pretty much let roll off me).   My body is coming along pretty nicely, and I’m preparing a re-entry into the mainstream porn world, though I know the landscape has changed somewhat.  I know that what I have is unique, and who else does what I do?  I fucking know I’m damn talented and that’s not just me tooting my own horn.  To hell with my abusive ex and her judgemental family, placing seeds of doubt in me.  I’ll give them something to really be ashamed of having been associated with, oh just you wait.

Maybe we all have one really good shot in life to do what it is that we do the best.  20 years ago it was a complete dream that I could live a life of a fetish sex icon like what I had drawn in my drawings.  But now I know I can do it, and have done it for quite a while now – and the more I tell my story to interested, “normal” people, (and I don’t mean normal in a bad way) the more I find out just how different and how interesting my life is.

I’m very interested to see what 2016 has in store for me.  And I hope I can ride this wave of self confidence all year.  Pretty much most of 2015 sucked for me so the only way is up.  But it’s also the year I went blonde and discovered that certain aspects of the bimbo doll lifestyle appeal to me immensely.  That doesn’t mean I’m turning dumb or gonna vanish from public view and become someone’s trophy wife, but it does mean that I finally came around to my own submissiveness in the bedroom.  I’m happy to say that I have a nice sex life with people who push my buttons right, and yeah, Tara’s getting some good, good fuckin’ these days.  It may have distracted me from my work a little bit, but if people thought I was a sex addict before, then I don’t know what I am now!  I’ve been constantly thinking about it all the time, and it’s time to put some of that energy back into my career where it belongs.

I’m not sure what I’m doing for Christmas yet. I don’t think I’m doing a specific holiday shoot since I’ve done pretty much every holiday themed outfit I can think of and sorta don’t have the time now to get something going well that doesn’t end up half-assed.   I have bigger plans for January, which include the fact that I can now reveal that I will be out in Vegas for AVN!  I don’t know how much I’ll be on the convention floor (it’s not like I’m getting myself a booth or something), but it’s been 5 years and I feel I’ve come along pretty far since then that I can’t wait to present myself in public as this sort of hypersexual one-person fantasy merchant.  I’ve got some new catchphrases that I’m going to use for my re-christened image, but I’m keeping them close to my chest for a few more weeks.

All of this means that for the first time, in a long long time, I’ve been looking at my own website and really want to update and change the whole look and feel to it.  I want to incorporate my artwork and ALL my talents into the site, and even though that means I will be pushing the fantasy doll aspect, I’ll also give more insights into my whole life and my other interests.  I’ve been slowly approaching a point in my life where maybe I’m ready to wrap everything I ever did into one package, and with now being the time in history that’s the transgender “moment”, it all makes sense.

So I’m hoping that confidence will start to pay off.  Because I know that indifference to my career has resulted in a year where I was barely scraping by paycheck to paycheck.  I don’t want to be in that vicious cycle any more.  I am relevant and I am legendary and there’s whole legions of new fans out there waiting to find out more about me, who fucking cares how old I am?

I don’t quite know yet what’s in store for 2016, and a big part of that will be pushing my extensive body of existing work (I know that pretty much all my shoots from 2003-2010 should be re-processed in higher resolution).  But who else has such a diverse body of high quality work?  Maybe I’m out of touch with the porn world, but I haven’t seen anyone who quite hits the buttons I do, and there are vast untapped markets that I need to tap (if anyone can translate into Japanese – contact me).  Its time to stop wondering “why have I not been discovered” and  instead just go out and grab it.  The funny thing I’ve learned about webcamming is that whenever I go on, only a tiny fraction of my viewers have heard of me, and the ones that have, think it’s beneath me to be on that site!  But most of them are just discovering me for the first time, so that’s great, right?

And yeah, it gives me a great evil smile to know how many guys (and girls too probably!) have been orgasming from the wonderful things that have come from my deliciously dirty mind.  Welcome 2016 and Tara Emory 2.5!

 

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, My life | 7 Comments

So, how could I have a wonderful original piece of Tara Emory art?

These are a few samples of some of the artwork I did for my breast implant kickstarter.   For a donation of $50 (plus a shipping charge), something like this can be yours!  And I’m not talking about some sort of print. I’m talking about ORIGINAL pen and ink artwork.  Heck, they’re certainly worth $50!,  Though there’s also 2 higher perk categories – $200 for a highly detailed piece of line b&w work or watercolor piece, and $800 for a large acyrlic painting, think of my nose cone art as an example..
Just think of this rare opportunity to own an original Tara Emory piece of art.  Maybe someday it will be like owning an original “Tom of Finland” piece?  Who knows?

But you know you want one, and want to help me push my image further, and make myself happy in the process.

 

-Tara

Posted in Tara's drawings, Tara's fetish designs, Tara's FFS indiegogo, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

oh yeah, and there was this thing too… My further feminization surgery fundraiser!

So I FINALLY got around to launching my campaign for what I have REALLY wanted to do for a while.  Here it is:

http://igg.me/at/taraemoryffs/x/5013355

There have always been two Tara’s of course.  There’s the cartoon fantasy me, that so many people see on my website and on the internet.  And then of course there’s the real me, the one who is down to earth and has a lot of interests and hobbies left over from my old life.  I’m at this crossroads where I’m not that</em> happy with some aspects of the real me, and having some more surgery is a solution that helps a both.  With the real me, there are still some boy aspects that I wake up and see and they make me unhappy.

Suffice to say, I’ve wanted to get FFS for many many years now. I did consults with doctors before in the US but they were always out of my reach.  And considering that my finances are even tighter than they have ever been, I’m finding even a $5000 or a $8000 surgery just as much out of my reach.

But I know that a lot of people are going to say that I don’t really need it to look hot.  And I appreciate the compliments and if you’re judging me by my modeling pictures, you’re only really seeing that half of the coin.  But even I’m also pulling every known trick in the book to make myself look as feminine as I really want to, because there are a few problem areas in my physique that I have to work around.

What I want done is an advancement of my natural hairline which still is a little high for a girl.  This will allow me to do a lot more with my natural hair (which yes, you have seen here and there on my website, here are some samples.)

This is me, pretty much.

back when I was red for a while.

So the campaign has been online for only a day and I’ve raised $500!  which is actually pretty good.  I set the goal at $9000 which is the “Package B” at www.transop.com, plus transportation costs.  If I don’t get to $9000, I’ll just settle on package “A”.  And i suppose if by some crazy reason I make more than $9000, I’ll put that money towards other work to be done or reinvest it into my shoots.

So, help me me the best I can be, and let’s tweak me to superstardom, while at the same time, making me very happy just to be the natural me, okay?

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, Bimbofication, Tara Emory 2.0, Uncategorized | 12 Comments