Yay, here comes something new, and it’s a peek inside “My Fur Closet”

While I’m waiting for the video to happen (tomorrow I think), I did whip out a new shoot using all my fur coats as a background.  The shoot might be called “My Fur Closet” or something to that effect.  Here are some samples…

Anyway, I just shot them today.  Will edit them this weekend and I’m looking at roughly 150 or so for the final set.  It does feel nice to get something done in the midst of all this lack of well, getting things done.


Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Giving up on “Sugar Rush” video (for now), I guess.

Well, two weeks have passed, and on three seperate occasions, I’ve prepared for shooting video of “Sugar Rush”, so I can dismantle the set and move on to the next project.  And on three occasions, the video guys (who shot with me before), cancelled the day of the shoot, even though they said they would shoot for me the night before.

Which extra sucks because my studio is so had to heat in the winter that I need to run the furnace constantly full blast for a good 4 or 5 hours before I want to shoot, just to get it up to like 55 out there.  Yes, I’ve tried space heaters too, and sectioning off smaller parts of my studio, to mixed results.  Someone once was going to bring over a ten trillion btu heater, and I was like “yeah, my extension cords and three outlets and 1960′s electrical work is going to love that.”

Argh.. It’s hard to find people to shoot video for me that I felt comfortable having over at my studio, and letting them in on personal parts of my life. Yeah I know theres probably tons of drooling fans who would jump at the chance to shoot video of me, but I just gotta weed out the “creepy vibe” guys.  Back when I lived in an apartment and knew I wasnt going to live there that long, I let a few strangers shoot me (with mixed results and somewhat unpleasant experiences), but I won’t go there at a place I’m going to be at for a long while.

If you’ve ever wondered why I self shoot my own photos, it’s a complicated set of reasons including availability, and that some photographers do a shitty job (one guy stood in the SAME POSITION for every shot. What’s the point of hiring a guy who can move around and gets lots of different angles if you’re going to be a human tripod?)..  Also, I’m ready to shoot when I’m ready to shoot, and shooting pix on my own schedule allows me to take the time to do it right.

You might think moving to LA where the talent is would be the solution, but it’s not. I can’t do what I do out here out there.  I’d have to start over from scratch or move all my collection of stuff out there, or get lucky on short excursions to pornland and find classy locations and get even luckier with having outfits to match.  If I fly out to LA to shoot, I’m limited to whatever fits in my luggage.  You’ve seen my stuff, right?

So I’m frustrated, and disillusioned.  I’m not even sure I’ll get to shoot anything in my studio unless we have a solid chunk of 30+ degree days.  I guess I can try some simpler shoots inside my house where that’s not a problem. People wonder why it’s so hard to do more than 2 shoots a month there’s lots of reasons.

So I’m actively looking for videographers.  People that are in that comfort zone of being ok with videoing me rubbing one out with huge candy canes up mah butt, while not expecting that they’re going to fuck me.  Obviously the best solution would be someone I had a sexual relationship with, or even better, somone in the fetish/adult modelling biz who I can reciprocate shooting photos of videos of them as payment.

So anyway I don’t know when video of “Sugar Rush” will happen.  I’ll try to keep things up as long as I can, and work on other projects for now.

I’m just venting and frustrated, that’s all.



Posted in Behind the Scenes, My life | 6 Comments

Horny Holidays with “Sugar Rush”

Did I say something about painting over that pink and white striped wall in my studio?  Well, it might have gotten a last minute repreive, because it was just perfect for my pink and white candycane overdose of a holiday shoot – “Sugar Rush”!

I know as a holiday shoot it’s sorta late, but I seriously doubt that anyone is going to look at this shoot and say “Geez, Christmas was last week,  I can’t possibly jerk off to this!

Unless of course, you’re not into the whole pink silicone sexdoll cartoon asethetic I’ve been pushing the last few years.  This shoot might have just captured it perfectly.  And yes, my 2015 New Year’s resolution is to see just how far this rabbit hole goes.  This is my art, and I do it very well, and I’m not bored yet or out of ideas by a long shot.

I put a lot of work into this outfit, and dressing up the set with a pink painted christmas tree, ornaments, candy canes, stripes, stripes and more candy canes.  And yes, do I even have to tell you where said candy canes will end up?

So I hope you all agree that it’s worth the wait.  Believe it or not, I had more grand plans which involved custom made shoes with candy canes for heels, but that was going to delay everything so intead I just dressed up my white ballet heels and the effect is about the same.  At least I got to make some candycane themed cockrings, and get most of the details I wanted in there.

So the whole set of roughly 190 pix will go up on my site pretty much ASAP.  The editing is going pretty quickly because I don’t have a lot of touch up to do.   And since the set is still up, I might (and don’t hold me to this- it depends on the weather and if I can get a video guy) get to do some video later this week in this outfit before I pull down the set.

And then bring on the New Year!


Posted in Behind the Scenes, Bimbofication, New shoot!, Tara Emory 2.0 | 7 Comments

Enough politics! What’s really between my ears is just “Fluff”!

After all the recent writing about whatever the heck I’m sure half of you don’t want to read about, sometimes I just want to turn off my brain and be a fuckdoll.  Hence my next shoot “Fluff”!

Sweet, pink and fluffy, my new boobs go very well in a updated version of my pink feather trimmed pink nightie that we haven’t seen since “BabyDoll”.
This is a simple shoot to tie you over until whatever it is I come up for Christmas, which I think is going to be even sweeter than this!  If this one is cotton candy, the next one will be a sugar overload!

The full set of 119 pictures went up today!

The big pink anal beads make an appearance in this shoot, along with my Hello Kitty glasses and I don’t know about you, but I’m sorta getting tired of this pink and white striped background. It might be time to paint the walls of this shooting bay a different color.  What do you think?

See you round Christmas time!


Posted in Bimbofication, New shoot! | 4 Comments

What I LIKE about the Chelsea Poe petition and her viewpoints.

I think you have to understand that often times I will play devil’s advocate and I will often just go an run with an extreme opinion, even if

People might think I’m inflexible but I am open to change, and looking at any issue, the nuances of right/wrong, slur to you/just a hokey dirty word to me is so complicated it’ll make your head explode but not without expanding your understanding first (if that makes any sense, which now that I think about it, does not, but it’s an interesting image and I’m gonna run with it)

Part of me is very optimistic and idealistic about so many things.  And part of me is pessimistic and says “once you see what horrible parasites the human race is, you just want to join in, look out for yourself”.   And as you will learn about me, I do love clever wordplay and I DO LOVE my portmanteaus.  Call me “futopian”. I think that best describes me.  I’m a dichotomy of right and wrong, but I think when all is said and done, I try to come out on the right side of history. Where I stand on this issue I’m not sure, but it’s educational to say the least.

So yesterday I had posted a long blog post here what bothered me about the Chelsea Poe petition to ask mainstream porn producers to stop using words like “tranny” and “shemale” in their productions.  This post was in turn a softening down of a previous tumblr post where I sorta had a knee jerk reaction to what I felt instantly offended as to being a form of censorship.   That post was kinda nasty and sorta made some friends of mine call me “bitter”.  So I wrote that blog post trying to figure out what it was that I didn’t like about it, but the more I think about it, the more I realize what the sticky wicket is.  And I also have a better idea of where the difference in opinion on this matter is between her and I.

For me, I find that communities should be able to use whatever dirty words they want to, and I did not like the idea of limiting porn terminology by leaving only words like “transwoman”.  I got into a lively (and often times dead ended) debate with Chelsea herself on twitter.  At one point we wasted people’s valuable bandwidth when the debate went down black holes like this:

Chelsea: “I don’t identify as TS”
Me: “But you are ts”
Chelsea:  “I identify as a transwoman”
Me: “but the ‘trans’ in ‘transwoman’ stands for ‘transsexual’”
Someone else: “No it doesn’t, it stands for ‘transitioning’”
Me: “But the ‘trans’ in ‘transsexual’ means ‘transitioning’, so it’s kinda the same thing right?”
Chelsea and others: “No it isn’t”

And round and round in circles we went and we were getting nowhere.  You could write this as a BASIC program and the last line would be GOTO 10 and repeat it over and over.

Or it could be I missed her point, even if it’s so subtle that in my mind it’s almost negligible.  This point being the thing that I really do admire about Chelsea, and where I am in support of her.  I know it’s gonna sound weird, maybe even a change of heart, enough to support her petition? Eh, I’m not sure.  But there IS a nugget of something that I really LOVE that she is doing, and that something is actually pretty inspirational as well.

So I slept on it, and then that optimist in me thought, well, in differentiating herself as a transwoman rather than just a transsexual, she is placing more emphasis on her womanhood rather than her trans-i-ness.  I think that’s what she is saying, and I can fully get behind that.  And it brings me to what I like about maybe not so much her petition, but as to how she wants to run her career.

I do think our differences are partialy due to age and experience as well, and things roll off me a lot easier than they might do so to younger trans people.  I also spoke on twitter how I had been through worse words and being called worse things, and several replied that just because I had survived, doesn’t change the fact that those words are bad.  And they do have a point there.  I wish no trans youth to have to go through the pain and shit I went through in the 80′s and 90′s being pretty much on that forefront of the first internet wave of trans comings out.   I guess you could call me a “second wave” trans person.  The “first wavers” being in the pre-internet days. and the “third wavers” being the ones who were diagnosed in highschool and never had to go through much up adult life in the wrong gender until they transitioned.  Like I said before, you can get to a certain age where words don’t harm you.   And I do feel strongly that if the motovating factor in this position is a “fear of words” than I also feel strongly that words can’t harm you.  We’re probably not ever going to see eye to eye on that.

This is something of a wide chasm of opinion between my wave and their wave.  They don’t know what it was like, and I in turn say “you’ve got it easy”.  But I DO want a better life for the next generation, and if they say they consider them slurs, then they have a right to say that, and to make that porn of the future.  Being older, I often forget what it was like to be a teenager and young 20 something, and it is hard for me to put myself in their shoes. It wasn’t even an optin to be a porn star when I was that age, and if it was, I’m not sure how I would have handled it.

Chelsea said a bit about how she is not after trans people using these words, but after companies controlled by cis-gendered people using these words that the trans community and their allies consider slurs.  Which seems fair, though many of these cis controlled companies would also consider themselves to be trans alllies as well, as they are the consumers who admire us.   I was then pointed to a HuffPost article about slurs in general where “tranny” was included on that list.   The article was written by a cis male!  So, part of me is a tad bit offended when a “progressive” cis guy tells me that these words are now slurs, and I’m like “I’ll take back and/or use whatever words I want to, don’t tell me what i can and can’t use!”

But even I don’t really know what words I want to use, and I’ve always been searching for better words. Perhaps there needs to be a convention just for this.  Maybe there was one  but I wasn’t invited because I’m exactly the sort of person that the trans community does not want representing themselves!  Oh Tara you naughty thing!

When I talk about my own career I had at one point accepted the terminology of “shemale” as a portmanteau (and I do loves my portmanteaus), and I had tried to incorporate it into my own presentation as a larger than life, fetish model and porn star.

But even I admit I was fighting an uphill battle with trying to take back that word.  I had hoped it would be seen as something of a “mythical being” word, but I dunno, maybe I’m the only person who thinks that.

Perhaps the winds of change aren’t really blowing the way I’d like them to go.   I never was entirely happy with that word at all.  I don’t let people call me that in person, and I have always been actively searching for a better subsitute term that still described a sexy transwoman, without saying “sexy transwoman”.

As a lot of you know, I set out to create one of the most ambitious tranny porn flicks of all time when I started on “Uranus Needs Shemales”, and for various reasons, it’s a production progressing at a snail’s pace.   To be honest, I ‘ve been dragging my heels on wrapping it up and finishing it because I had this awful feeling that by the time it came out, that “shemale” will have fallen so far in favor that get a lot of flak for using it.  Both of my costars (Tiffany Starr and Mandy Mitchell) both made reservations about the use of the word “shemale” in the title.  And I sorta threw up my hands in the air and said “I can’t find another word that’s not so damn clinical, so for now, I’m sticking with it”.

I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do about it, but it brings me to the nugget of what I admire about Chelsea Poe’s career, because maybe I have more options than I thought I had.

In chatting with her, whatever her ambitions may be, Chelsea Poe wants to be seen as Chelsea Poe- porn star first, who just happens to be a transwoman second.  Not the other way around.  And by using “transwoman” instead of “transsexual”  (even if I think we’re nitpicking a little bit), she is further de-emphasizing her trans-ness, and she has every right to do that.

And even though she doesn’t really have a lot of work under her belt, she and I are on the same page about coming up with trans porn titles and product that is free of any gender identifiers at all.  I’d like someome to know who “Tara Emory” is first, and then secondly, that she’s sort of a living, breathing hypersexualize cartoon character, and then as a distant third, that she’s a shemale, tranny, or chick with a dick or whatever you call her, just that there is an order to things that respects me as a person first, of course, unless objectification as a fetish object IS my thing.  There’s so many ways I present myself sometimes I don’t know who I am.  Trans activist blending into society as a female or seen as a transwoman, or over the top sex object.  Depends on what side of the bed I wake up on.

Maybe the silicone fetish object IS the first thing that comes to mind when they see me, I don’t know.  I mean, it’s interesting when people talk about not wanting to be fetishized as objects or called abusive terms, and here I am playing devil’s advocate saying that damn, maybe I like being fetishized, and abuse? well, maybe I want to be called dirty, filthy words while I’m fucked silly by a group of filthy Hell’s Angels, ending in a non stop orgy of cum, all held on a satanic altar!   Maybe that does turn me on, maybe it scares other people.  Once you bring kink into it all it gets really complicated.  An kink itself takes decades to figure out what you may like or not like about it.  One person’s delicious objectification is another person’s abuse.   One person’s dirty pornographic words are another person’s trauma triggers.  I’m still not sure what the solution to this all is, and we may never reach a consensus. Some people are sex addicts, some people think all porn should go away. I don’t know.  I just do what I do and let people like it or be horrified.

But I do like what she is doing in her career, by coming out with titles (Like “Fucking Mystic”) that don’t have identifying gender words in their titles.   Maybe that is pointing the way forward.  Maybe on one hand, getting rid of “tranny” and “shemale” now limits all trans porn to use “transwoman”, but on the other hand, maybe getting rid of all trans terms blows open the doors to naming your porn thing any goddamn thing  you want to name it.  I can certainly get behind that, and in its own way, it’s the marketplace I dreamt of when I tried to market my 4 “Delcuious” DVD’s as “Tara Emory videos” primarily, and barely mentioned the “shemale” stuff.

I’m probably I am at a point in my career, where I know I am a niche within a niche, and that my fanbase is NOT just tranny chasers,  but cis men and women and even straight couples and gender queers and everything in between to people who never even knew they were attracted to ts women.  I’m also at this crossroads where I’m seeking validation as a serious person with a brain and viewpoints.  Which is all interesting because sometimes I want to shut off my brain and be a silcone bimbo cum dumpster.  Apparently there is no middle ground in how I even define myself.

So yeah, I’m watching the terminolgy debate unfold, and I thank Chelsea for being very thought provoking.  And I’m at the point where, do I even care what I name my own productions?  Are we at a point in 2014 where having “shemale” in the title is just as much a selling point as not having “shemale” in the title?  My movie remains unreleased, so I could change it’s final name to “Uranus Needs Transwomen” or “Uranus Needs _____”. I’ve always been open to finding a term that’s better than “shemales”  because over the last 5 years, useage of the term “shemale”  has not gone in the direction I had hoped it would.  Maybe its time for a better term, what do you all think of “transsexpots”? or maybe fuck all those terms and fuck porn and maybe my movie will be the Great Lost Trans Epic That Never Was, in all its standard-definition glory.

I don’t know.  But I’m really open to ideas.  But them gears are turning in my head and if people get me to think differently, than that’s a good thing, and I thank Chelsea for that.


Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Why I will not be signing the Chelsea Poe petition to censor “shemale” from transsexual porn.

So there’s been a fair amount of press about a little petition going around the internet.  Perhaps you’ve seen it.


Maybe you agree with it fully, or maybe like me, you agree with about 90% of it and like me, that last 10% of it really, really makes your blood boil.

Look, I get it, there’s some really shitty terminology out there to describe and identify pornography that includes transsexual actors and actresses.  Tranny porn is not everyone’s cup of tea and sadly,  you kind of have to allude to the fact that it’s TS porn if you want it to reach it’s target audience.

I applaud Chelsea Poe’s ambition to change things, and also her desire to make porn the sort of thing that is free of all identifying teminology.  I can even say I am way ahead of  the curve when in 2003 I marketed my first video “Delucious” and I didn’t want any of those silly words on there.  Don’t believe me? here’s the prototypes for the cover art, which includes a oversized VHS box  (that tells you just how long ago this was).

I was told that I could not market it at all without “Tranny” or “shemale” in the title.  I did not change the name but made a compromise by putting “Tara Emory -Shemale goddess” in smaller type on the eventual cover, and after a while it didn’t bother me all that much.  Which either means I found that words hold no real threat, or maybe it means I just sold out.  Do I care what you think?  Not really.  In some ways I did this as an attempt to take back the term “shemale”, as at least on paper, it makes us seem like a mythical, hybrid creature, kinda like a centaur or a unicorn.   Which, if you make fantasy based porn, might not be such a bad thing.

Many of us in the trans adult industry are banking on the fact that we are unique, rare and elusive.   For me, I would think that just having us blend in with normal women would take away from our uniqeness, rather than highlight it.  So that’s why most trans porn will make reference to what’s in the box.

However (and this goes with the things I applaud Poe for) I think it’s great to make erotica that breaks boundries and is free of labels.  You want to see the porn industry change, then make that porn of the future and you will find its audience!   I’m all for eradication of some of the sillier terminolgy (all the he-shes, shims and whatevers), but some of what Chelsea Poe advocates strikes me as little more than censorship.

In one part of the xojane article, she even says that the term “TS” is a hurtful term.

“our first exposure to trans women’s bodies are terms like “Shemale,” “Tranny” or “TS,” terms to pointedly shame those who have these bodies and those who are attracted to these bodies”

What? Whoa.  Really?  Okay, when a transsexual says that TS (which is short for transsexual) is a hurtful term, then alas, trans activism has jumped the shark!  She is also coming up with a list of words should be banned, and leaving pretty much only one rathr dry and clinical word to be on the approved list, that word being “transwomen”.  And at the rate we are moving, in 5 years, a group of people will think it’s offensive to contain the suffix “men”, and we’ll all be forced to say “transwomyn” instead.   If we go down this road, there will always be someone who isn’t satisfied.

What she suggest sounds like someone in straight good ol fashioned Church approved babymaking sex saying that we can’t use “slut” or “whore” anymore in porn titles.  Well, I hope you enjoy watching “Loose Women of Ill Repute Having Pre-marital Intercourse #17″ because that’s what we will get.  Seriously there are also reasons why porn uses them dirty, filthy words, and it’s a reason that makes a LOT of sense.

Limiting what dirty words you can use for porn titles/sites will stifle creativity, which there is a distinct lack of anyway in the porn biz.  Hey, I yearn for the good old days of clever porn titles, and banning them and replacing them with only scientifically descriptive terms is a bad idea on so many levels.  Leave the dirty words IN the porn biz, and leave the clinical words for the transition resources, the Klienfelters’ Syndrome and the Gender Studies majors in college.  Cis and hetero porn do not use cis and hetero terms in their titles.  Imagine the uproar if you googled “heterosexuality” and all that came up was porn?

I also do wonder about Chelsea Poe’s own motovations, if it’s not to further her own career and visibility, which to be honest, I don’t have that much issue with.  Heck, I’m trying to stay relevant by offering up this rebuttal and saying it’s not quite so black and white.

I also kind of wonder about the idea that a petition somehow is the purest form of democracy.  Have you ever noticed how some horrible law gets passed somewhere and you’re like “how the fuck did that get by me?”  Well, it probably started as a petition and got enough signatures to have moved on to the next step.  I could start a petition to ban whaling in the United States and I betcha I could get a lot of signatures even though its already been banned for more than 30 years.  I’m sure transfolk who are tired of being seen as freaks and sex objects will lap it all up and sign it, saying “Hey, even this porn star is appalled by the porn industry!”  Those of us in the porn industry may feel differently, that we are being forced to change by a small and vocal minority.

But most of all, I see the article as just another way that transfolk have their own transphobia about the ones they don’t feel are as trans-ish as they are.  I can’t help as I read the ruminations of a early 20-something trans activist who had the advantage of getting hormones at 18, and I see that she has a level of comfort and privilidge living to most of the world as fully female.

A lot of these transfolk are horrified at those who they don’t consider to be at the same level of trans that they are at.  Sadly there is a pecking order in the trans community where those who transition at 16 don’t want to be mentioned in the same sentence as those who transitioned at 60.  Those who have natural breasts look down upon the ones who can’t grow them and have to get huge silicone tits.  Those who have tits look down on those who have no tits.  Everyone looks down on those who have to struggle with facial hair, lack of hair in their head, need tons of surgery to pass, or can’t be full time.  If  you’re not full time, you are not trans-ish enough to sit at our table in the cafeteria.

And at the bottom of the food chain is the guy who looks like Fred Flinstone and puts on a pink wig, proclaims “Lookeee! I’m a transsexual!” and then wonders why people flip out when he goes into the ladies room and the media jumps on this as being representative of our community.  Yeah, nobody likes that guy.

I’ve been a transwoman, tranny, porn star with a larger than life libido and trans activist in my own way probably since Chelsea Poe was in preschool.  I have endured insults in my life far worse than someone calling me a “tranny”.  It’s nice of her to mention that every 36 hours a trans person is killed, though its something of a leap to think that those commiting these crimes are using the words “shemale” and “tranny”.  Terms which, if anything, are far more likely used by our admirers than anything else.  I wonder how many of these victims don’t meet her qualifications of what a transwoman really is.

The people who are murdering us are more likely calling us “men”, “dudes” and attemtpting to shame us by bringing up our old names and old lives and saying “this is who this person REALLY is”.  They are the assholes of the “Facebook Real Name Police” (ironically operating from the comfort of anonymity!).   They are not the ones consuming tranny porn.  These are not the enlightened ones who realize that being trans is a wide and varied spectrum of people who exist in the large middle ground in between the most binary of genders.

And even if you were intersexed and reassigned gender at birth, there’s always going to be those assholes who will call you a man, and I don’t think those people can ever be persuaded to think otherwise.  Those people are the “Return of Kings” assholes (look it up)

Plus who knows how many of these TS murders are because the victims were not upfront about being transsexual, and were “discovered”.  Going stealth poses a real and present danger, and for me, I’d rather be seen as a transsexual than someone hiding something.  Making correlations between statitics and your opinions is deceptive at worst, and at best the mark of an amateur.   Things are far more varied and complex than that.  And to mention the word “trap”, I know many young transwomen who embrace that term and maybe they derive sexual excitement from hiding their trans-ness from guys they date.  To each, their own, I say.

But in the end, it just comes down to words, and words people consider hurtful only  because society has a lack of acceptence that a middle gender actually exists. There has been and always had existed something in the middle.  Various constructs such as religion do more to reinforce the binary and those are the insitutions that should crumble in the face of simple reality, but that’s just my opinion.  It’s not a war cry for me.

You might just think I’m a bitter old porn star who is shouting at them darn kids to get off my lawn!, but I speak from a position of temperence, wisdom,  authority and experience.  Coming out at trans in the 90′s and growing up in the 80′s when trans was virtually unheard of, we faced an uphill stuggle that todays trans youth probably can’t even conceive.  I will fully admit that I am envious of the resources that today’ trans youth have over what my generation had.  But I also love the fact that I am still paid attention to, even at my age, because the thing that makes me unique is what is my selling point, still even today.

Or maybe its simply that I’m just a bitch saying that some of these transfolk need to grow some balls (apologies to those who got an orchiectomy).  You can draw your own conclusions.  You may even hate me because I’m one of those trans pornstars who likes her penis, and likes overtly displaying her exhibitionism.  That’s part of who I am, but it’s no means all of what I am.  I’ll say what I want, but please, don’t make me your leader.  I don’t want the job!

And I don’t expect everyone to have had the same experience as I have had.  Or not to be hurt by words.  But in my experiemce, once you reach a point in your life when you are happy with who you are, who you were and who you are becoming, no words or labels or gender terminology can possibly hurt you.

-Tara Emory

Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments

Setting the record straight about the TS Erotic Revue at The Satin Doll Gentlemen’s Club

Gosh, I don’t even know where to start with this one.  I’ve been attempting to keep my mouth shut about this, you know, taking the high road, but sadly the voice that is being heard the most right now is the voice that shouts the loudest, and I can’t sit idly by and watch people get hurt and have their incomes in peril because of the impulsive actions of one power hungry person.

So, as you may all know, I’ve been dancing at The Satin Doll Gentlemen’s Club in Providence RI, oh since about roughly late June.  At the time it was just one night a week, and then expanded to 3 nights (the Thursday-Saturday slot), with the rest of the nights of the week being mostly cisgendered female dancers with a sprinkling of TS girls.

Now I’m a bit hazy about what all happened before I came on board.  It’s my understanding that the club owners wanted to have a niche market of a “transsexual erotic revue”.  A few tgirls were hired to dance, and then another transwoman was hired to be a dancer and promoter.  This person goes by the name of Kristy Pandora, who you may have heard a lot from in recent weeks in social media as she has “pulled the Satin TS Dolls from the Satin Doll Club”.  As one of the dancers there, (which I guess makes me one of these “Satin TS Dolls”), I can tell you that isn’t quite the case.  Were still doing it, just that we’re singing “Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead“!

There’s a lot more to this, so pick up a chair, grab some popcorn, and hold on!

When I was hired at the club, it came at a time when I was worried about the future of my website as my primary source of income.  The email from Kristy asking me to join the revue could not have come at a better moment of my life. I am, and always will be eternally grateful to Kristy for giving me this opportunity.

Working at a strip club (which involves pole dancing, stripping and giving lap dances to fans) has stroked my ego, made me feel relevant, shown me that I have a lot of fans, and also been a fullfillment of a sexual fantasy of mine.  It also validates my feminity in a way where I don’t have to resort to other sex work avenues.

Management of the club put it very well when they said that they wanted to recruit transwomen to work at the club as an alternative to other employment options so they can make decent money and go home with their dignity.  It was probably the most eloquent thing I’ve heard a manager say, as he was very aware that the thing that makes us unique, is a fantasy we can sell to guys, and anyone in the trans porn industry knows we bank on the uniqueness of our bodies.

I am under no illusions as to what a strip club pretty much is.   It’s a place where guys (and yes, even girls!) can go and see a girl they like on stage, put dollars in her garter, and then get to know her, and then pay her for a lap dance, and derive enjoyment from that.

Now Kristy may or may not have come up with the rather unimaginative name of “Satin TS Dolls” (which let’s be honest – is just sticking “TS” in between the words of the club name), but she secured the URL and the .com and all that.  And she worked tirelessly on making the website look wonderful and professional, and yes, she is a force to be reckoned with.  I wish her much luck in her future endeavors and would not rule out working with her, but right now I think she kind of power hungry, and maybe a hypocrite, putting her own petty grudges ahead of the well-being of about a dozen dancers who are still working at the Satin Doll after Kristy quit in a blaze of glory and workplace drama!

Things were going well for the Satin TS Dolls but then cracks started to appear.  Now I admit that my job is to go in, make money and go home, and hopefully do it in a way that doesn’t take away from the other girls, or cause any stripper drama, because stripper drama is about as fun as cleaning all the toilets in Grand Central Station.  Maybe I’m liked, maybe I’m disiked by my coworkers but I try to keep to myself and I’m not trying to turn this into a revolution.

So where did things start to go wrong?  Well, the club itself was looking for communities to promote our nights, and they were open to appealing to ALL facets of the LBGT community to bring people in.  Kristy, however was violently opposed (almost literally so) to this, and overstepped her authority in banning members of the other end of the trans community from attending.   She seems to have some serious fueds going on with some of these people, quite a few of them dont even hve any idea who Kristy Pandora is!!  I’m not sure how much of this is real and how much is in her head.

Which brings me to something that has been on my mind a lot, which is transphobia within the trans community.  I could write a whole book just on that, but personally I’ve gotten to know people from across the wide and varied gender spectrum and after a while you get to accept people for what they are and who they are and leave it at that.  Kristy, would however take hissy fits when members of the drag scene would come in for a drink because she didn’t want to be associated with those types.  She has also said various things on social media that pretty much underline that viewpoint, but one of the reasons for pulling the revue from the club (when in fact she just pulled herself, the name and the website), is citing “safety concers” for the girls, which is really strange coming from her.  Because she might have been the biggest violator of the things that the club did not want us to do, and the sorts of people we didnt want as patrons.

Kristy was doing a lot- she was also taking on responsibilities that were really the job of the club (scheduling and such), AND on top of that she also volunteered her house as lodging for many of the tgirls with no place to stay and transporting them everywhere.  And on top of that she worked at work as dancer, not making that much money because to be honest, we don’t all have what it takes to be a stripper.   So she was doing too much, making very little, and then saying that what she does is not about the money, and then complaining that she was overworked and broke, and trying to make herself a martyr over the whole thing.  The last time I saw her at the club she was exasperated and drunk and was slurring her words about how she’s going to kill herself of die for this cause, and my reply was “oh dear, please don’t do that, it’s only a strip club, please don’t take this so seriously”. She’d show me some videos of her hanging from a noose as a fetish and saying that she is going to die this way, and once I saw that shit, I knew I was dealing with a person that was 12 eggs short of a dozen.

So things were chugging along at the club and then I went away for a week and the news came down that Kristy fired a few dancers for going to a nearby gay dance club on their nights off from the Satin Doll.  Why?  Because Kristy has some insane grudge against thus club, and the Providence scene or godknows what.  Then a few days later the management (who really only has the power to hire and fire people) re-hired these dancers and Kristy left, throwing a tantrum and acting like a 4 year old saying in effect “I’m taking my ball and going home!  If I can’t have this than no one can have this!

And this isn’t even going into details about her own hypocracy of her lifestyle, which guess what?  At this point, why the hell not, we all love a juicy scandal, right?

Many of Kristy’s friends and admirers were absolute creeps.  I met one of these guys who went by the name ShoeMaster (which I have no qualms about exposing as a creep). He kept bugging me about where I lived and when I finally gave him a lap dance he kept trying to whip off my panties because he knew Kristy and felt he got special perks or was above the law because he was her ride to work or some abject bullshit that quite frankly strikes me as an abuse of power.  Some of these people also stayed with Kristy at the same time she was lodging dancers and seemed to think it was a sexual free for all and I will leave it at that.  And this is me actually biding my tongue about this because it’s not my place to name names of the dancers who if they want to come forward with accusations, will.

The dancers who slept at her house got to see her craziness first hand.  That is assuming that they got any sleep!  Because Kristy would go on for hours and hours about how she was going to tear down the Grooby empire, and how she was turning this into a political movement and go on and on and on and on about it, or she’d have a meltdown over not being able to find some piece of makeup.  Every day she came in an hour or two late with the girls but she had diplomatic immunity because she was “in charge”.  I’d come in relatively on time, and see “the boss” show up whever she wanted to, and she always seemed exasperated, angry and if it wasn’t one thing, it was always another thing causing drama.

I only got to see this craziness first hand once when a bunch of us went to IHOP and some random guy (one in a long line of guys she was seeing) and it was exasperating as well as the fact i didn’t get home from that craziness until 7 am, and I vowed to stay away from that drama forever.  You know, the kind of people who exhaust you just by BEING around them.  Yeah, that.  If one tenth of what I am saying is true, that’s damming, but I have a feeling what little I know about is really the tip of the iceberg of a whole cycle of batshit insanity, that a lot of girls were putting up with because they had little choice.

At the club she would go on and on and on and on about her political views to the patrons who just came for a good time, not a lecture.  So in a lot of ways, it’s great that she’s gone, because that workplace environment just got 1000x better.  However, she continues to hurt us all with her actions and ambitions, because she has declared war and it really doeesn’t have to be this way.  There is certainly a way that both sides can coexist and benefit while staying independent.

So she split with the club.  And seems to be under the impression that she is taking us all with her to whatever venue she doesn’t have.  She “owns” the Satin TS Dolls website, but she does not own us.  She has some clout in the industry because she shouts the loudest and surrounds herself with people who support her and have no idea what is really going on.

Hey, I could approve a gazillion facebook “friends” and lament about how no one understands my hobby, and get an outpouring of support from people who have no idea that my hobby is actually microwaving live kittens.  Which it isn’t, of course.  But of course now someone thinks I do that, why?  Because the internet is full of idiots who will believe anything!

I advised her that if she wants to make a clean break from the club, the first thing to do is to come up with a better name for her business endeavor.  Because it’s only going to confuse people when they see “Satin Doll” in the name.  Just because you steal the name of something and then get the .com, doesn’t alter the fact that you stole it.  And if they think this is a good idea to cause brand confusion then their business accumen is to be seriously questioned.   This is like Business 101 here folks.  I know a thing or two about brand identity and intellectual property, having actually worked in one wing of the advertising industry.

And as to the idea of making a strip club into a policital movement?  Knock yourself out.  Whenever I hear someone say they want to start a labor union for strippers or sex workers, it really just makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.  And laugh some more. Strippers and sex workers are fickle, they come and go, and most of them are trying to leave as small of a footprint as possible in the industry.  Do you think they’re going to like paperwork or a paper trail?  No!  They are independent contractors in every sense of the word.   Not that I’m against fighting for sex workers rights, but it’s damn hypocritical when the ones we are the most at risk of being abused by are the very ones that our self-apponted leader is bringing into the fucking club.   I got fed up and I was glad to be away for a week because I saw that this person was imploding.

Anyway, the club is still going strong with a cast of TS dancers, and we are all working very hard to make it successful without her, so we can get through the long, cold winter with a little more cash in our pockets.  And she in turn is trying to undermine this, and as a result US, in places like social media (she even referred to me as “money hungry”, and “grandma” while referring to another beautiful tgirl dancer as “Mister”), and sending hundreds of delusional threatening texts out to people and generally behaving like a 4 year old.  One only has to read her facebook postings to see them bounce back and forth between being political and then advertising how much of a slut she was/is/wants to be.  I really do think that Kristy just took on too many jobs that really she didn’t need to (or have the authority to), and maybe the stress was too much for her, and if it wasn’t for that, we’d still have this partnership intact.  But she’s all trying to now “take this on the road” and I can’t see that happening when she had a hard time getting to work in the first place..

It will be interesting to see how this all pans out. Maybe I’m wrong about everything, but I lost faith in Kristy Pandora when she once posted on facebook how awesome one of the nights was, when I was indeed there and I saw in fact that this particular night was dead.  I’m all for positive spin on things, but no grip on reality is another.  I’m hoping this will have a peaceful resolution, and furthermore I hope that me shooting off my mouth doesn’t make things worse.  But hey, I had to say my piece.

So come see us at the TS Revue at the Satin Doll in Providence!  I’ll be there, as well as pretty much everyone else who was there!


Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Bordello Bimbo!

So, before I blew out on a spur of the moment stripping road trip. I managed to bang out this quick, but delicious shoot.



I’m further perpetuating my descent into blonde bimboism. Don’t worry, it’s no more a permanent look than any of my other looks. However, the psychological aspects of being a fun living bimbo sex object has definitely had a positive impact on my life.


I was worried that the dancing and stripping would take away from my website productivity, but instead it has fed my desire to stay sexy and constantly do shoots. It’s also given me a bit more wiggle room with my financial stability, giving me more freedom to do more shoots.


So enjoy this spontaneous shoot of 145 pictures on my members site. Can’t wait to see what I’ll have cooking up for Christmas!


Posted in Bimbofication, New shoot! | 2 Comments

“Strawberries and Cream” is delicious with Tara Emory!

So this outfit has been waiting in the wings since Montreal Fetish Weekend.  I decided that my kitchen would be a suitable background for it, since it has such a dollhouse look.

Actually, a friend of mine was over at my place and commented on how much my house was like a dollhouse, and I guess that’s true.  I’m also becoming more and more doll-like myself.  I like to look good and surround myself with pretty things and cozy, homey spaces.

So the other part of this shoot is that it got very messy indeed.  Vanilla ice cream, strawberries, and well, cream
Maybe actually too messy, but hey, you all know I tend to get as nasty and perverted as I can (in contrast to the beautiful outfit), which is sort of my thing.  Fantastic outfits, and buckets of cum!
135 pictures of “Strawberries and Cream” just went up on my member’s area , and I’m editing the next shoot, “Bordello” right now


Posted in Behind the Scenes, New shoot!, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

“XXX Marks the Spot!”

Land Ho!

In my last post, I talked a little bit about easy shoots vs complicated shoots.  Well, I think I can throw that logic out the window now, as even the simplest shoots turn into huge productions.  This was supposed to be an easy shoot to better do justice to a great outfit, and I think the results speak for themselves.

Not only has my makeup skills improved, (and my tits have grown), but I can say with certainty that I've lost some weight too.

Years ago, I had someone get this great pirate outfit for me from Trashy Lingerie.  I make a point of mentioning that I did not create this outfit, because people tend to say things like “Tara make ALL her own outfits”.  And though that is mostly true, every so often there’s an exception to this rule.  I  brought the outfit to Jamacia and even painted a few toy plastic pirate pistols to look realistic, and went to Kink in the Caribbean (2006?) with the hope that a great location would turn up.

Ah, Hedonism III- sadly a resort no longer with us..

Well, even though my toy guns were seized in customs (you can’t even bring a bright green water pistol into the country), I still managed to find a good location but I don’t think the pictures ever were as good as I had hoped.  Taking dirty pictures around a clothing optional resort would seem not to be a problem, but yeah, if you were masturbating in public sooner or later security would come and ask you to please stop.  So the “Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Cum” shoot was decent, if not debaucherous.

So I always wanted to make a pirate ship set or something and go to town with this outfit and well, dig deep for buried treasure.

Or not quite so buried..

I have this whole section of my house that has this awful 60s knotty pine motif going on, and well, it’s slated for renovation, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to get a bunch of shoots out of it!  I took everything I owned that was even remotely pirate-y, or somewhat nautical, made a Jolly Roger and a treasure map, and the results are so damn good, I’m starting to not hate this ugly part of my house.

So with two pirate chests, tons of candles (and yes, during the shoot I had a fire extinguisher handy because I knew at some point my hat might catch on fire), some great wall art, and the family silverware, voila! instant pirate ship cabin set!  The low ceilings and the stairway nearby added to the effect, and in this case I was using the claustrophobic area to enhance the coziness.

Oh hey. Cat.

I’m really happy with the results.  Almost so happy with the set I was beginning to wonder if the not-made-by-me outfit would bring down the shoot, but hey, maybe before I renovate this area, I’ll make an original pirate outfit and do another pirate shoot later.

In any event I had a tricky time lighting this with studio lights because I needed to dim them down (and not use strobes) so that the camera would pick up the candlelight too.

Generally I try to shoot with as much light as possible so I can set the camera to a high shutter speed and use the lowest ISO rating available (usually 50).  In this case in order to make it work I had to resort to ISO 100 and a shutter speed of around 1/8 second.  Which means of course, tripod shots and holding really really still.  I think for the most part the pictures were came out ok technically.

But the overall atmosphere and ramped up overtness makes this a lot better than the previous incarnation.  Plus the bimbo blonde hair makes it better, because well, blondes have more fun, of course.

So the idea was to have this up for Halloween, but it might take another day or two to chug through the entire set of photos.  I shot about 300, but since there were uneven lighting issues, the editing is a bit time consuming.

By the end of the shoot, I even manage to self- shoot these photos while wearing stocks!

Hang on, is that an electrical outlet right below my underarm? I think it is..

Would you make this pirate walk the plank?  I think not!  The entire set of around 190 pictures goes up on my site ASAP!


Posted in Behind the Scenes, New shoot! | 5 Comments