Signs of Spring with “Bimbo Peep”

I’m back!!!

I just did a new shoot in my old “Little Ho Peep” outfit from oh, geez, 10 years ago.  Sometime a few years back I had made some tweaks to the outfit to make it pop a bit more, and I wore it out during the Montreal Fetish Weekend exhibitionist tour.  But I had yet to do a new shoot with it.

The old shoot done in 2003 (!)  was one of the last shoots that I did on a 1 megapixel camera, and though I had supplemented it with some later shots, the outfit wasn’t quite there yet, and neither was the background.

and this time I decided to leave the sheep unmolested..

So with some nice tweaks, and though I would have loved to have  made a background this time, I needed a new shoot fast so I just shot in my blue and white library room, which works ok.  Maybe the next time I do the shoot I go for some more dramatic lighting and a more appropriate set, but trust me, I know you’re all aching for something new, and I hope this fits the bill.

Anyway, with the skirt shortened a bit (when it was too long it actually dragged the whole outfit down), the whole outfit pops a lot more.  Of course, with my glorious new titty fun bags, that’s not the only thing popping.. I also added bows to the garters, and this time have some better matching shoes and stockings.  Some flowers to the bonnet and some jewelry and the rejuvenation of “Little Ho Peep”, has become “BimBo Peep”, with my new plastic and bimbo-ish attitude.

I shot like – geez-  over 300 pictures, so I’m going to have to whittle it down to the best 200 or so, so it might take a few days to get them up on the site.   I’ll also be at the Satin Doll the next few weekends (weather permitting), so please please come down and see me!  I need the encouragment to stay sexy and in a state of complete fuckdolleryism.  I also have some New York stripping dates coming up soon! (to be announced).

I’m going to to try to do a few more indoor shoots this weekend, now that I feel like I’m on a roll.

It

It’s nice to feel sexy again!

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, Bimbofication | 6 Comments

Snowcarceration soon lifting…

So as you may know, I’ve been in a pretty deep blue funk this winter. It’s been record breaking in terms of how much snow we’ve had in how short a time and it just saps the soul right out of ya.

And I feel my energy normally spent on doing shoots has been sucked away and spent shoveling walkways, driveways, roofs, etc. over and over.  Though today I just realized that I had somewhere left my shovel out there and its buried under a few inches of new snow.

Which might just be my sign to give up on shovelling.  I’m not getting another shovel, to find the original shovel.   It’s like what I call the  “Scissors Package Paradigm”  (which is copyright and tradmark Tara Emory 2010).  You need a pair of scissors. You buy a pair of scissors, but you need a pair to cut the packaging to get a pair out.  Thenceforth nothing happens.

Well, nothing any more for the snow.

So other than my car problems (which sorted themselves out by Monday) I’ve managed to take the week to get back in touch with some artwork I had made a an 11 year old, and was able to distill the creative process down to a simpler essence.  I took the last few days to go back to a happy place (yeah, my childhood was actually pretty happy )and now I’m feeling like I can get creative again.

Because it’s been hard to feel sexy or like I wanted to put any effort into being pretty or doing anything as if there was some future coming up.   I’m  happy to report that today i had a pretty lengthy masturbation session which didn’t just involve me being in bed, this involved a little bit of narcissim and self attraction.

Normally that would qualiy as T.M.I but it’s actually good news because it means I feel like this long drought of creativity is coming to an end.

Wether this means I will do some sort of shoot tomorrow or something related to other project, remains to be seen.

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, My life | 5 Comments

And it keeps on getting worse and worse.

I don’t even know where to start of what to say.  I’m having a disasterous life  hour by hour.  What happened today was on top of what happened 2 days ago where – my ride to pick up my car which had just had it’s suspension fixed- well  THAT car broke a balljoint and is stranded in a parking lot next door to my house. (because I don’t even have a shovelled out spot in my driveway to put it in).  It’s even weirder that the car that broke down is the same kind of car as mine (both volvo bricks).  One breaks at the exact time another gets fixed.

But seriously, I swear I’m going to kill someone before this winter is over.  Just what happened today seems typical of a day here, and gives you an idea of why I haven’t had a scrap of energy or gumption to feel sexy or figure out how to do a shoot (and anyone who suggests that I do a shoot “out in the snow”, and eat it,  I never want to see snow for the REST OF MY LIFE).

So earlier today I made an effort to see if i should try to get the snow off the roof of my studio.. Rain is coming tonight, and that might make the snow heavy enough for a roof collapse.  I’m assuming since this warehouse building has been up since the 40′s or 50′s it’s probably seem some epic snowdrifts on the roof, so I HOPE to GOD that it hold up.

So after that I went to get the balljoint at Auto Crap or Auto Zone, while I’m in the parking lot I hear my back tire, (which i JUST had replaced a week or two ago) is leaking badly.  I guess I’m fortunate to discover this at a car parts store because I get fix a flat, which  helps, but its still leaking.. I manage to get a few miles to a gas station with an air hose, and go down to the tire shop in town where i bought the tire.  Sadly they’re closed on weekends so I have to wait till monday (because maybe they’ll replace it for free – it’s a mom and pop tire shop, and I do a lot of business there)

My spare is on of those limited use ones with rubber about as thick as balloon rubber, so driving on that is a bad idea.

So i decided to grab a tire off the broken ball joint volvo, stranded in the parking lot next door. The only spot I could put my car in that was level was 2 spots over from the other volvo, with a GIANT HUMINGOUS Ford Excursion of Exclusion of whatever the fuck huge thing it is. It literally takes up the enire space, and I think the width of it overlaps the white lines of the parking spot.  They are that big.  It’s no secret that I HATE trucks and suv’s and I tend to give people in hummer h2′s the finger, just because they exist. but that’s just me.

So I’m changing the tire in the tight space, and I keep bumping my head on the mirror of the Exclusion, because the mirror itself is like a foot long. So I just folded it back, partially in anger, mostly so I don’t keep bumping into it. (and I really did zero damage to it, after it was done I would’ve folded it back)

And I guess the owner was in the Dunkin Donuts and he came out furious that I had “punched his truck”.

Some needledicked kid and I just let him have it. Even accusing him of having a tiny penis! – you know, “Who the fuck needs a car that BIG?” etc etc.. I literally almost got into a fight in the parking lot.

I am so fucking done with this winter, and its ripple effects. The fact I cant even change a tire in my own driveway, etc etc… So done.

Its too bad he didn’t come out and offer to move his truck before I folded the mirror back, because then I would’ve been “please. thank you!” and maybe just made a comment on “geez, your truck is huge!”. but nooooooo, he had to come out all beligerent like I had vandalized his precious fucking truck. which was just enough to set me off.

I am not coping with this winter very well.  For a while there I banged on my car window and screamed and well, made a scene in the parking lot but I don’t fucking care any more.

So this is like every day, and it keeps piling on top of everything else.  Just in the course of a couple of hours, getting a (unfixable with fix a flat) flat tire in the same day as making a failed attempt to get snow off the roof of the studio.  I had to dig something out of the snow, and you dig in the virgin snow a few feet down,and then you step and you foot falls down another 18 inches and you realize how much goddamn snow there is EVERYWHERE.

And tomorrow I’m going to have to replace a fucking balljoint on the other car (because it’s my family’s car and they’re poor, so they always get me to fix things.  And technically I was the one driving the other volvo when the balljoint fell apart – strangely enough, just when we were backing out of the parking space), in the same parking lot.

If we’re lucky we’ll get a window of sunshine and warm temps after the rain blows through.

but with my luck, I’ll probably total my car on the freezing rain on the roads because i feel this responsibility to go into work at the satin doll because maybe I’ll make a few bucks to pay for all these endless problems. I have no doubt that no one will show  up tonight at work, and that I won’t make a nickel.

Fuck my life.

-Tara

 

Posted in My life | 5 Comments

Yes, the winter here is unbearable, more than usual.

And it’s wearing down on my soul.  Here is Mass we’ve had back to back to back beginning of the week snowstorms, when before January 26th there had been no snow at all.  At that point I had even thought maybe, just maybe this would be one of those winters when we don’t get a lasting snow.  But no.  As it is we’re beating all records for most snow in a 30 day period, and we’ve done that in only 17 days.

And while I know what we’ve got doesnt really compare to other parts of the world (my midwest and Canadian friends probably think we’re whining), we’re really not used to it, and the infrastructure can’t deal with it either.  We’ve had no cycles of melting, so much of the area is blanketed between knee depth and 4 feet of snow, not counting the city streets, some of which the piles of snow on the sides I swear to God exceed the width of the plowed and driveable area.

Things are going okay at the strip club, but I feel my other energies that I would normally devote to my website, are getting sucked up by the now-weekly Tuesday shovelling event, necessary to get my car out so that I can get to the club for my end of the week shifts.

I’m going crazy here.  I’m trying to counter the shovelling with indoor activity like video editing and website work, but the physical toll saps my energies for even the sit down work.  This sucks. I can’t even write coherently, as I was hoping this blog post might be cathartic, but it’s more just a series of rambling sentences.

I keep telling myself that the shitty winter will make me appreciate the spring and summer more.  And it’s true, my productivity on everything increases 100 fold once the weather improves.  If it wasn’t for feeling like I have to dig out each week (which to be honest, I can just sit here and do nothing about it – that ice dam and 3 foot long icicles on the edge of the roof aren’t really going to go anywhere), I might be able to just ensconce myself in indoor activities and ingore the snow.

I’m half tempted to just jump on a plane and get my ass to LA to go to the TEAwards, but the reality of setting up catsitting and just parking the car somewhere and the logistics of potential lost revenue from not working at the strip club (though potentially I could get some porn gigs when out in LA, but then again EVERYONE is in town and trying to do the same thing, so it will likely be exactly like the last time I was there, and nothing happened)..  Where was I going with that?  Did I even make a complete sentence there?

I just remember the last time I was there and I couldn’t  understand people staying indoors or people miserable when the weather was indoor room temperature outdoors all the time. I don’t think I could live in LA, because I’d want to do something outdoors EVERY SINGLE DAY.  You gotta suffer through the winter to appreciate the spring more, I keep telling myself. Wait, I think I already said that.

Ah, alas, I don’t want to relive another second of this winter I don’t even want to go back and proofread this blog post.  Anyway, all you need to know is that it sucks here.  I don’t know if maybe I’m just going to get drunk at home or try to scrape the ice off my car to get out to see friends (to get drunk with them).  I don’t quite know what this means for my website work.  With 3 feet of snow and bitter cold it become very hard to:

Heat up the studio/transport building mateials for sets (I can’t even drive up to the studio now)  /too cold to paint unless I make a heated painting room of some sort/shoot in the studio/shlep the lights from the studio to the house/not think the fatigue is making me look 10 years older in my pictures/wear latex/ etc etc.

I’m going to TRY to edit more, and streamline my office area so that when things ramp back up in spring (or earlier even if the sun comes out and takes 6 inches off this WALL of snow I look out my window and see). Gonna try, gonna try.  Whatever it takes to cope with this, I’m gonna TRY to do.

I could use some sort of encouragement, and not of the “get off  your ass” kind of ilk.  But at the same token I don’t really want the “we’ll wait patiently for you to get over this and become productive again”, because that doesn’t really address the bottom line, which is all about keeping my business profitable, you know, so that I’ll be able to pay the heat bill and the mortgage and all that wonderful stuff.  Because as bad of a place I’m in right now, it could be worse.  I’m not at that place where I have to make a choice between groceries, heating oil and the mortgage.  The gig at the Satin Doll in combination of the relatively inexpensive price of heating oil has given me a little bit of a financial cushion keeping me from completely losing my shit.

Anyway, back to work, or something.

-Tara

Posted in My life, Uncategorized | 16 Comments

Yay, here comes something new, and it’s a peek inside “My Fur Closet”

While I’m waiting for the video to happen (tomorrow I think), I did whip out a new shoot using all my fur coats as a background.  The shoot might be called “My Fur Closet” or something to that effect.  Here are some samples…

Anyway, I just shot them today.  Will edit them this weekend and I’m looking at roughly 150 or so for the final set.  It does feel nice to get something done in the midst of all this lack of well, getting things done.

-Tara

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Giving up on “Sugar Rush” video (for now), I guess.

Well, two weeks have passed, and on three seperate occasions, I’ve prepared for shooting video of “Sugar Rush”, so I can dismantle the set and move on to the next project.  And on three occasions, the video guys (who shot with me before), cancelled the day of the shoot, even though they said they would shoot for me the night before.

Which extra sucks because my studio is so had to heat in the winter that I need to run the furnace constantly full blast for a good 4 or 5 hours before I want to shoot, just to get it up to like 55 out there.  Yes, I’ve tried space heaters too, and sectioning off smaller parts of my studio, to mixed results.  Someone once was going to bring over a ten trillion btu heater, and I was like “yeah, my extension cords and three outlets and 1960′s electrical work is going to love that.”

Argh.. It’s hard to find people to shoot video for me that I felt comfortable having over at my studio, and letting them in on personal parts of my life. Yeah I know theres probably tons of drooling fans who would jump at the chance to shoot video of me, but I just gotta weed out the “creepy vibe” guys.  Back when I lived in an apartment and knew I wasnt going to live there that long, I let a few strangers shoot me (with mixed results and somewhat unpleasant experiences), but I won’t go there at a place I’m going to be at for a long while.

If you’ve ever wondered why I self shoot my own photos, it’s a complicated set of reasons including availability, and that some photographers do a shitty job (one guy stood in the SAME POSITION for every shot. What’s the point of hiring a guy who can move around and gets lots of different angles if you’re going to be a human tripod?)..  Also, I’m ready to shoot when I’m ready to shoot, and shooting pix on my own schedule allows me to take the time to do it right.

You might think moving to LA where the talent is would be the solution, but it’s not. I can’t do what I do out here out there.  I’d have to start over from scratch or move all my collection of stuff out there, or get lucky on short excursions to pornland and find classy locations and get even luckier with having outfits to match.  If I fly out to LA to shoot, I’m limited to whatever fits in my luggage.  You’ve seen my stuff, right?

So I’m frustrated, and disillusioned.  I’m not even sure I’ll get to shoot anything in my studio unless we have a solid chunk of 30+ degree days.  I guess I can try some simpler shoots inside my house where that’s not a problem. People wonder why it’s so hard to do more than 2 shoots a month there’s lots of reasons.

So I’m actively looking for videographers.  People that are in that comfort zone of being ok with videoing me rubbing one out with huge candy canes up mah butt, while not expecting that they’re going to fuck me.  Obviously the best solution would be someone I had a sexual relationship with, or even better, somone in the fetish/adult modelling biz who I can reciprocate shooting photos of videos of them as payment.

So anyway I don’t know when video of “Sugar Rush” will happen.  I’ll try to keep things up as long as I can, and work on other projects for now.

I’m just venting and frustrated, that’s all.

 

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, My life | 7 Comments

Horny Holidays with “Sugar Rush”

Did I say something about painting over that pink and white striped wall in my studio?  Well, it might have gotten a last minute repreive, because it was just perfect for my pink and white candycane overdose of a holiday shoot – “Sugar Rush”!

I know as a holiday shoot it’s sorta late, but I seriously doubt that anyone is going to look at this shoot and say “Geez, Christmas was last week,  I can’t possibly jerk off to this!

Unless of course, you’re not into the whole pink silicone sexdoll cartoon asethetic I’ve been pushing the last few years.  This shoot might have just captured it perfectly.  And yes, my 2015 New Year’s resolution is to see just how far this rabbit hole goes.  This is my art, and I do it very well, and I’m not bored yet or out of ideas by a long shot.

I put a lot of work into this outfit, and dressing up the set with a pink painted christmas tree, ornaments, candy canes, stripes, stripes and more candy canes.  And yes, do I even have to tell you where said candy canes will end up?

So I hope you all agree that it’s worth the wait.  Believe it or not, I had more grand plans which involved custom made shoes with candy canes for heels, but that was going to delay everything so intead I just dressed up my white ballet heels and the effect is about the same.  At least I got to make some candycane themed cockrings, and get most of the details I wanted in there.

So the whole set of roughly 190 pix will go up on my site pretty much ASAP.  The editing is going pretty quickly because I don’t have a lot of touch up to do.   And since the set is still up, I might (and don’t hold me to this- it depends on the weather and if I can get a video guy) get to do some video later this week in this outfit before I pull down the set.

And then bring on the New Year!

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, Bimbofication, New shoot!, Tara Emory 2.0 | 7 Comments

Enough politics! What’s really between my ears is just “Fluff”!

After all the recent writing about whatever the heck I’m sure half of you don’t want to read about, sometimes I just want to turn off my brain and be a fuckdoll.  Hence my next shoot “Fluff”!

Sweet, pink and fluffy, my new boobs go very well in a updated version of my pink feather trimmed pink nightie that we haven’t seen since “BabyDoll”.
This is a simple shoot to tie you over until whatever it is I come up for Christmas, which I think is going to be even sweeter than this!  If this one is cotton candy, the next one will be a sugar overload!

The full set of 119 pictures went up today!

The big pink anal beads make an appearance in this shoot, along with my Hello Kitty glasses and I don’t know about you, but I’m sorta getting tired of this pink and white striped background. It might be time to paint the walls of this shooting bay a different color.  What do you think?

See you round Christmas time!

-Tara

Posted in Bimbofication, New shoot! | 5 Comments

What I LIKE about the Chelsea Poe petition and her viewpoints.

I think you have to understand that often times I will play devil’s advocate and I will often just go an run with an extreme opinion, even if

People might think I’m inflexible but I am open to change, and looking at any issue, the nuances of right/wrong, slur to you/just a hokey dirty word to me is so complicated it’ll make your head explode but not without expanding your understanding first (if that makes any sense, which now that I think about it, does not, but it’s an interesting image and I’m gonna run with it)

Part of me is very optimistic and idealistic about so many things.  And part of me is pessimistic and says “once you see what horrible parasites the human race is, you just want to join in, look out for yourself”.   And as you will learn about me, I do love clever wordplay and I DO LOVE my portmanteaus.  Call me “futopian”. I think that best describes me.  I’m a dichotomy of right and wrong, but I think when all is said and done, I try to come out on the right side of history. Where I stand on this issue I’m not sure, but it’s educational to say the least.

So yesterday I had posted a long blog post here what bothered me about the Chelsea Poe petition to ask mainstream porn producers to stop using words like “tranny” and “shemale” in their productions.  This post was in turn a softening down of a previous tumblr post where I sorta had a knee jerk reaction to what I felt instantly offended as to being a form of censorship.   That post was kinda nasty and sorta made some friends of mine call me “bitter”.  So I wrote that blog post trying to figure out what it was that I didn’t like about it, but the more I think about it, the more I realize what the sticky wicket is.  And I also have a better idea of where the difference in opinion on this matter is between her and I.

For me, I find that communities should be able to use whatever dirty words they want to, and I did not like the idea of limiting porn terminology by leaving only words like “transwoman”.  I got into a lively (and often times dead ended) debate with Chelsea herself on twitter.  At one point we wasted people’s valuable bandwidth when the debate went down black holes like this:

Chelsea: “I don’t identify as TS”
Me: “But you are ts”
Chelsea:  “I identify as a transwoman”
Me: “but the ‘trans’ in ‘transwoman’ stands for ‘transsexual’”
Someone else: “No it doesn’t, it stands for ‘transitioning’”
Me: “But the ‘trans’ in ‘transsexual’ means ‘transitioning’, so it’s kinda the same thing right?”
Chelsea and others: “No it isn’t”

And round and round in circles we went and we were getting nowhere.  You could write this as a BASIC program and the last line would be GOTO 10 and repeat it over and over.

Or it could be I missed her point, even if it’s so subtle that in my mind it’s almost negligible.  This point being the thing that I really do admire about Chelsea, and where I am in support of her.  I know it’s gonna sound weird, maybe even a change of heart, enough to support her petition? Eh, I’m not sure.  But there IS a nugget of something that I really LOVE that she is doing, and that something is actually pretty inspirational as well.

So I slept on it, and then that optimist in me thought, well, in differentiating herself as a transwoman rather than just a transsexual, she is placing more emphasis on her womanhood rather than her trans-i-ness.  I think that’s what she is saying, and I can fully get behind that.  And it brings me to what I like about maybe not so much her petition, but as to how she wants to run her career.

I do think our differences are partialy due to age and experience as well, and things roll off me a lot easier than they might do so to younger trans people.  I also spoke on twitter how I had been through worse words and being called worse things, and several replied that just because I had survived, doesn’t change the fact that those words are bad.  And they do have a point there.  I wish no trans youth to have to go through the pain and shit I went through in the 80′s and 90′s being pretty much on that forefront of the first internet wave of trans comings out.   I guess you could call me a “second wave” trans person.  The “first wavers” being in the pre-internet days. and the “third wavers” being the ones who were diagnosed in highschool and never had to go through much up adult life in the wrong gender until they transitioned.  Like I said before, you can get to a certain age where words don’t harm you.   And I do feel strongly that if the motovating factor in this position is a “fear of words” than I also feel strongly that words can’t harm you.  We’re probably not ever going to see eye to eye on that.

This is something of a wide chasm of opinion between my wave and their wave.  They don’t know what it was like, and I in turn say “you’ve got it easy”.  But I DO want a better life for the next generation, and if they say they consider them slurs, then they have a right to say that, and to make that porn of the future.  Being older, I often forget what it was like to be a teenager and young 20 something, and it is hard for me to put myself in their shoes. It wasn’t even an optin to be a porn star when I was that age, and if it was, I’m not sure how I would have handled it.

Chelsea said a bit about how she is not after trans people using these words, but after companies controlled by cis-gendered people using these words that the trans community and their allies consider slurs.  Which seems fair, though many of these cis controlled companies would also consider themselves to be trans alllies as well, as they are the consumers who admire us.   I was then pointed to a HuffPost article about slurs in general where “tranny” was included on that list.   The article was written by a cis male!  So, part of me is a tad bit offended when a “progressive” cis guy tells me that these words are now slurs, and I’m like “I’ll take back and/or use whatever words I want to, don’t tell me what i can and can’t use!”

But even I don’t really know what words I want to use, and I’ve always been searching for better words. Perhaps there needs to be a convention just for this.  Maybe there was one  but I wasn’t invited because I’m exactly the sort of person that the trans community does not want representing themselves!  Oh Tara you naughty thing!

When I talk about my own career I had at one point accepted the terminology of “shemale” as a portmanteau (and I do loves my portmanteaus), and I had tried to incorporate it into my own presentation as a larger than life, fetish model and porn star.

But even I admit I was fighting an uphill battle with trying to take back that word.  I had hoped it would be seen as something of a “mythical being” word, but I dunno, maybe I’m the only person who thinks that.

Perhaps the winds of change aren’t really blowing the way I’d like them to go.   I never was entirely happy with that word at all.  I don’t let people call me that in person, and I have always been actively searching for a better subsitute term that still described a sexy transwoman, without saying “sexy transwoman”.

As a lot of you know, I set out to create one of the most ambitious tranny porn flicks of all time when I started on “Uranus Needs Shemales”, and for various reasons, it’s a production progressing at a snail’s pace.   To be honest, I ‘ve been dragging my heels on wrapping it up and finishing it because I had this awful feeling that by the time it came out, that “shemale” will have fallen so far in favor that get a lot of flak for using it.  Both of my costars (Tiffany Starr and Mandy Mitchell) both made reservations about the use of the word “shemale” in the title.  And I sorta threw up my hands in the air and said “I can’t find another word that’s not so damn clinical, so for now, I’m sticking with it”.

I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do about it, but it brings me to the nugget of what I admire about Chelsea Poe’s career, because maybe I have more options than I thought I had.

In chatting with her, whatever her ambitions may be, Chelsea Poe wants to be seen as Chelsea Poe- porn star first, who just happens to be a transwoman second.  Not the other way around.  And by using “transwoman” instead of “transsexual”  (even if I think we’re nitpicking a little bit), she is further de-emphasizing her trans-ness, and she has every right to do that.

And even though she doesn’t really have a lot of work under her belt, she and I are on the same page about coming up with trans porn titles and product that is free of any gender identifiers at all.  I’d like someome to know who “Tara Emory” is first, and then secondly, that she’s sort of a living, breathing hypersexualize cartoon character, and then as a distant third, that she’s a shemale, tranny, or chick with a dick or whatever you call her, just that there is an order to things that respects me as a person first, of course, unless objectification as a fetish object IS my thing.  There’s so many ways I present myself sometimes I don’t know who I am.  Trans activist blending into society as a female or seen as a transwoman, or over the top sex object.  Depends on what side of the bed I wake up on.

Maybe the silicone fetish object IS the first thing that comes to mind when they see me, I don’t know.  I mean, it’s interesting when people talk about not wanting to be fetishized as objects or called abusive terms, and here I am playing devil’s advocate saying that damn, maybe I like being fetishized, and abuse? well, maybe I want to be called dirty, filthy words while I’m fucked silly by a group of filthy Hell’s Angels, ending in a non stop orgy of cum, all held on a satanic altar!   Maybe that does turn me on, maybe it scares other people.  Once you bring kink into it all it gets really complicated.  An kink itself takes decades to figure out what you may like or not like about it.  One person’s delicious objectification is another person’s abuse.   One person’s dirty pornographic words are another person’s trauma triggers.  I’m still not sure what the solution to this all is, and we may never reach a consensus. Some people are sex addicts, some people think all porn should go away. I don’t know.  I just do what I do and let people like it or be horrified.

But I do like what she is doing in her career, by coming out with titles (Like “Fucking Mystic”) that don’t have identifying gender words in their titles.   Maybe that is pointing the way forward.  Maybe on one hand, getting rid of “tranny” and “shemale” now limits all trans porn to use “transwoman”, but on the other hand, maybe getting rid of all trans terms blows open the doors to naming your porn thing any goddamn thing  you want to name it.  I can certainly get behind that, and in its own way, it’s the marketplace I dreamt of when I tried to market my 4 “Delcuious” DVD’s as “Tara Emory videos” primarily, and barely mentioned the “shemale” stuff.

I’m probably I am at a point in my career, where I know I am a niche within a niche, and that my fanbase is NOT just tranny chasers,  but cis men and women and even straight couples and gender queers and everything in between to people who never even knew they were attracted to ts women.  I’m also at this crossroads where I’m seeking validation as a serious person with a brain and viewpoints.  Which is all interesting because sometimes I want to shut off my brain and be a silcone bimbo cum dumpster.  Apparently there is no middle ground in how I even define myself.

So yeah, I’m watching the terminolgy debate unfold, and I thank Chelsea for being very thought provoking.  And I’m at the point where, do I even care what I name my own productions?  Are we at a point in 2014 where having “shemale” in the title is just as much a selling point as not having “shemale” in the title?  My movie remains unreleased, so I could change it’s final name to “Uranus Needs Transwomen” or “Uranus Needs _____”. I’ve always been open to finding a term that’s better than “shemales”  because over the last 5 years, useage of the term “shemale”  has not gone in the direction I had hoped it would.  Maybe its time for a better term, what do you all think of “transsexpots”? or maybe fuck all those terms and fuck porn and maybe my movie will be the Great Lost Trans Epic That Never Was, in all its standard-definition glory.

I don’t know.  But I’m really open to ideas.  But them gears are turning in my head and if people get me to think differently, than that’s a good thing, and I thank Chelsea for that.

-Tara

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Why I will not be signing the Chelsea Poe petition to censor “shemale” from transsexual porn.

So there’s been a fair amount of press about a little petition going around the internet.  Perhaps you’ve seen it.

http://www.xojane.com/sex/chelsea-poe-shemale-slur-petition

Maybe you agree with it fully, or maybe like me, you agree with about 90% of it and like me, that last 10% of it really, really makes your blood boil.

Look, I get it, there’s some really shitty terminology out there to describe and identify pornography that includes transsexual actors and actresses.  Tranny porn is not everyone’s cup of tea and sadly,  you kind of have to allude to the fact that it’s TS porn if you want it to reach it’s target audience.

I applaud Chelsea Poe’s ambition to change things, and also her desire to make porn the sort of thing that is free of all identifying teminology.  I can even say I am way ahead of  the curve when in 2003 I marketed my first video “Delucious” and I didn’t want any of those silly words on there.  Don’t believe me? here’s the prototypes for the cover art, which includes a oversized VHS box  (that tells you just how long ago this was).

I was told that I could not market it at all without “Tranny” or “shemale” in the title.  I did not change the name but made a compromise by putting “Tara Emory -Shemale goddess” in smaller type on the eventual cover, and after a while it didn’t bother me all that much.  Which either means I found that words hold no real threat, or maybe it means I just sold out.  Do I care what you think?  Not really.  In some ways I did this as an attempt to take back the term “shemale”, as at least on paper, it makes us seem like a mythical, hybrid creature, kinda like a centaur or a unicorn.   Which, if you make fantasy based porn, might not be such a bad thing.

Many of us in the trans adult industry are banking on the fact that we are unique, rare and elusive.   For me, I would think that just having us blend in with normal women would take away from our uniqeness, rather than highlight it.  So that’s why most trans porn will make reference to what’s in the box.

However (and this goes with the things I applaud Poe for) I think it’s great to make erotica that breaks boundries and is free of labels.  You want to see the porn industry change, then make that porn of the future and you will find its audience!   I’m all for eradication of some of the sillier terminolgy (all the he-shes, shims and whatevers), but some of what Chelsea Poe advocates strikes me as little more than censorship.

In one part of the xojane article, she even says that the term “TS” is a hurtful term.

“our first exposure to trans women’s bodies are terms like “Shemale,” “Tranny” or “TS,” terms to pointedly shame those who have these bodies and those who are attracted to these bodies”

What? Whoa.  Really?  Okay, when a transsexual says that TS (which is short for transsexual) is a hurtful term, then alas, trans activism has jumped the shark!  She is also coming up with a list of words should be banned, and leaving pretty much only one rathr dry and clinical word to be on the approved list, that word being “transwomen”.  And at the rate we are moving, in 5 years, a group of people will think it’s offensive to contain the suffix “men”, and we’ll all be forced to say “transwomyn” instead.   If we go down this road, there will always be someone who isn’t satisfied.

What she suggest sounds like someone in straight good ol fashioned Church approved babymaking sex saying that we can’t use “slut” or “whore” anymore in porn titles.  Well, I hope you enjoy watching “Loose Women of Ill Repute Having Pre-marital Intercourse #17″ because that’s what we will get.  Seriously there are also reasons why porn uses them dirty, filthy words, and it’s a reason that makes a LOT of sense.

Limiting what dirty words you can use for porn titles/sites will stifle creativity, which there is a distinct lack of anyway in the porn biz.  Hey, I yearn for the good old days of clever porn titles, and banning them and replacing them with only scientifically descriptive terms is a bad idea on so many levels.  Leave the dirty words IN the porn biz, and leave the clinical words for the transition resources, the Klienfelters’ Syndrome and the Gender Studies majors in college.  Cis and hetero porn do not use cis and hetero terms in their titles.  Imagine the uproar if you googled “heterosexuality” and all that came up was porn?

I also do wonder about Chelsea Poe’s own motovations, if it’s not to further her own career and visibility, which to be honest, I don’t have that much issue with.  Heck, I’m trying to stay relevant by offering up this rebuttal and saying it’s not quite so black and white.

I also kind of wonder about the idea that a petition somehow is the purest form of democracy.  Have you ever noticed how some horrible law gets passed somewhere and you’re like “how the fuck did that get by me?”  Well, it probably started as a petition and got enough signatures to have moved on to the next step.  I could start a petition to ban whaling in the United States and I betcha I could get a lot of signatures even though its already been banned for more than 30 years.  I’m sure transfolk who are tired of being seen as freaks and sex objects will lap it all up and sign it, saying “Hey, even this porn star is appalled by the porn industry!”  Those of us in the porn industry may feel differently, that we are being forced to change by a small and vocal minority.

But most of all, I see the article as just another way that transfolk have their own transphobia about the ones they don’t feel are as trans-ish as they are.  I can’t help as I read the ruminations of a early 20-something trans activist who had the advantage of getting hormones at 18, and I see that she has a level of comfort and privilidge living to most of the world as fully female.

A lot of these transfolk are horrified at those who they don’t consider to be at the same level of trans that they are at.  Sadly there is a pecking order in the trans community where those who transition at 16 don’t want to be mentioned in the same sentence as those who transitioned at 60.  Those who have natural breasts look down upon the ones who can’t grow them and have to get huge silicone tits.  Those who have tits look down on those who have no tits.  Everyone looks down on those who have to struggle with facial hair, lack of hair in their head, need tons of surgery to pass, or can’t be full time.  If  you’re not full time, you are not trans-ish enough to sit at our table in the cafeteria.

And at the bottom of the food chain is the guy who looks like Fred Flinstone and puts on a pink wig, proclaims “Lookeee! I’m a transsexual!” and then wonders why people flip out when he goes into the ladies room and the media jumps on this as being representative of our community.  Yeah, nobody likes that guy.

I’ve been a transwoman, tranny, porn star with a larger than life libido and trans activist in my own way probably since Chelsea Poe was in preschool.  I have endured insults in my life far worse than someone calling me a “tranny”.  It’s nice of her to mention that every 36 hours a trans person is killed, though its something of a leap to think that those commiting these crimes are using the words “shemale” and “tranny”.  Terms which, if anything, are far more likely used by our admirers than anything else.  I wonder how many of these victims don’t meet her qualifications of what a transwoman really is.

The people who are murdering us are more likely calling us “men”, “dudes” and attemtpting to shame us by bringing up our old names and old lives and saying “this is who this person REALLY is”.  They are the assholes of the “Facebook Real Name Police” (ironically operating from the comfort of anonymity!).   They are not the ones consuming tranny porn.  These are not the enlightened ones who realize that being trans is a wide and varied spectrum of people who exist in the large middle ground in between the most binary of genders.

And even if you were intersexed and reassigned gender at birth, there’s always going to be those assholes who will call you a man, and I don’t think those people can ever be persuaded to think otherwise.  Those people are the “Return of Kings” assholes (look it up)

Plus who knows how many of these TS murders are because the victims were not upfront about being transsexual, and were “discovered”.  Going stealth poses a real and present danger, and for me, I’d rather be seen as a transsexual than someone hiding something.  Making correlations between statitics and your opinions is deceptive at worst, and at best the mark of an amateur.   Things are far more varied and complex than that.  And to mention the word “trap”, I know many young transwomen who embrace that term and maybe they derive sexual excitement from hiding their trans-ness from guys they date.  To each, their own, I say.

But in the end, it just comes down to words, and words people consider hurtful only  because society has a lack of acceptence that a middle gender actually exists. There has been and always had existed something in the middle.  Various constructs such as religion do more to reinforce the binary and those are the insitutions that should crumble in the face of simple reality, but that’s just my opinion.  It’s not a war cry for me.

You might just think I’m a bitter old porn star who is shouting at them darn kids to get off my lawn!, but I speak from a position of temperence, wisdom,  authority and experience.  Coming out at trans in the 90′s and growing up in the 80′s when trans was virtually unheard of, we faced an uphill stuggle that todays trans youth probably can’t even conceive.  I will fully admit that I am envious of the resources that today’ trans youth have over what my generation had.  But I also love the fact that I am still paid attention to, even at my age, because the thing that makes me unique is what is my selling point, still even today.

Or maybe its simply that I’m just a bitch saying that some of these transfolk need to grow some balls (apologies to those who got an orchiectomy).  You can draw your own conclusions.  You may even hate me because I’m one of those trans pornstars who likes her penis, and likes overtly displaying her exhibitionism.  That’s part of who I am, but it’s no means all of what I am.  I’ll say what I want, but please, don’t make me your leader.  I don’t want the job!

And I don’t expect everyone to have had the same experience as I have had.  Or not to be hurt by words.  But in my experiemce, once you reach a point in your life when you are happy with who you are, who you were and who you are becoming, no words or labels or gender terminology can possibly hurt you.

-Tara Emory

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