What’s next?

Here’s some samples of the next shoot to go up on my site, which I think I’m going to call “Purdy in Pink” or something.
This was one of the ones I did before I left for surgery.  There’s a few more shoots I can dig into for updates, but I think the April 30th update will be video instead, (since most of you are craving video.)

Perhaps my first shoot in May will be something completely new. I’m itching to make some new outfits as I’m sitting on a mountain of designs. We’ll see what happens.  I’m still recovering but hoping to resume camshows this coming week

 

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, Bimbofication, New shoot!, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Tara’s FFS Chronicle, part 2.

So the previous post I wrote was sorta a half-awake, partly drugged mess of a post, and though I started writing it on Saturday, I only was able to cover the day of the surgery (Tuesday).

Then I got caught up in enjoying Mexico and just did little updates to my Facebook, as for some reason my wordpress app on my iPhone crashes.

I’m back home now and healing nicely, but allow me to fill in the gaps with Part 2…

Where was I?  Oh that’s right.  The first night after surgery.  I had to sleep mostly upright and hold a blood draining thing in my lap that sorta looks like a plastic accordion.   Not pretty.  And very hard to get sleep.  The next two nights of sleep consist of a lot of micro naps more than anything, so those first 3 days seem like a month.

Yeah I know, yuck.

Wednesday morning we head back to the hospital to remove the drain and the mummy like bandages.  It feels REALLY weird to have the drain removed because it’s essentially two tubes that run the length of the incision.  The incision basically goes from from one ear up to the top of the head and to the other ear.  When they remove it, they are actually pulling tubes out of one side, and they are under the skin but over the skull.  It’s a dull pain but it’s something that I just have to endure.  There’s tons of dried blood in my hair and my face is starting to swell.  They take the bandages off and it’s not pretty.  My face is swollen up like a balloon and my hair is sticking straight up where there was a gap in the bandages.  I look like the creepy motion-capture CGI Tintin from the Tintin movie.   What’s been done to me?  I’ve been turned into a teenage boy adventurer from France!?

Separated at birth? Oui? Or Non?

Yeah, yeah, I know.  There aren’t even remotely flattering pictures, but the purpose of these blog posts is to show you what to expect when you get surgery.  As I write this a week later, my outlook has changed because of the surgery and that’s something that I’ll wrote about more in depth later.

So finally I get to put my hair back down and though I look like a balloon, the change is dramatic.
And though my hairline isn’t perfect, I’ve gone from no options to considerably more options for my hair.  This is already starting to have a wonderful effect on my psyche.  When you’re surrounded by oversensitive people in your life who give you the whole “I love you however you are”, it’s hard to describe what it was like for me, at the age of about 19 or 20, when a doctor tells you that the day your pimples go away, you’re going to lose all your hair by the age of 30…  That’s a soul crushing thing to learn as a young adult, when deep down you yearn to be this thing (a girl), but you know it’s impossible.  It’s hard for people to understand that in the pre-internet days, there was no trans visibility and the public face of anything remotely trans-ish was Boy George, Frank N Furter, and Tootsie.

There were no such terms as “gender neutral” or anything like that.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself.  And as I’m seeing the new me emerge, I am beginning to realize what it’s doing for me.  I’ve basically moved my “default position” further towards the feminine.  When I roll out of bed looking like shit, I don’t look like an older guy losing my hair and feeling pathetic until I get all dolled up and then feeling like I’m overdoing it.  No, now I roll out of bed and I’m feeling like my old, young, gender neutral tomboy/girlish pixie creature that I was in my 20′s.   A lot of pain and frustration and self loathing has been erased.  In other words, I’ve gotten the effect that I had hoped.

The next night is brutal.  Moreso because of the meds keeping me from getting a solid sleep of more than an hour here, and hour there, punctuated by about an hour in between of not sleeping, trying to calm my mind into a sleep.   I do everything to try to sleep, but I’m simply not sleeping.  It’s not even like I have been drinking coffee all day, I don’t even finally crash.  I simply don’t sleep at all, and wonder when the hell I’m going to sleep.  But the pain isn’t that bad overall.   I have a few days where I don’t have to go anywhere.  So I watch a bit of BoJack Horseman and some other movies and cuddle with the two British Bulldogs here, Molly and Lucy.

Woof

A face only a mother could love...

Having the dogs here are a stroke of genius.  Not only are they like recovery/care animals, they’re so un-pretty and their faces so flabby, you don’t feel so bad about how your face looks at this time.

The next day is probably about the worst for how I look, as now the bruising and swelling is being effected by gravity.  I have worse pictures than this but even I don’t want to post them.  For a day or so I see what I would look like if I sat in bed eating Cheetos for a year.

yeah, I only brought like 5 outfits, so it's gonna look like I'm wearing the same thing every day. What-ev.

But that’s the worst the swelling gets, and by the end of the week, the swelling has subsided.  Now I’m looking at my hair and dreaming of all the potential haircuts I can get, and noticing how much I’ve neglected it over the years.   At this time its at that too short to be long and too long to be short stage which is just a mess.

Interestingly we go out and I’m not sure how I’m being read.  I think I’m not being seen as trans, but just as a woman with sort of a crazy cat lady haircut.

By about saturday evening we get out a bit and walk to the mall.  the exchange rate is really good, and pretty much once you do the math, everything there costs about half as much as it does in the states.  A six pack of Heineken bottled beer is about $5 even at a convenience store for example.   We go shopping and my friend buys a ukelele.

I’m allowed to drink a little bit and have some fun.

I only had one Corona and a shot of Tequila. Really, I did.

 

At this point I’m healing really well, and somewhere in here they take out about half of the stitches.  I didn’t think I’d be feeling quite this energetic so soon after the surgery (in fact I planned on being in bed for a month), and Guadalajara is beautiful.  We’re in a great part of town and I learned later that because of things like NAFTA, Mexico has more of a middle class than it did (3o years ago it was more like either you were rich or or poor).  I’m suitably impressed with Mexico, in fact I like spending my money down here and I think it benefits all of us in North America to have a stable, growing Mexico. I don’t particularly know a lot about the reasons why Trump wants to build a wall to keep them out of America, you might have to build that wall to keep me from leaving the country and living down here like a princess.

I know, I’m only seeing one side of it. I know there are extremely poor parts of Mexico, but there’s shitty parts of the US too.  I found Guadalajara to be about like Savannah in the 90′s, and way way better than New Orleans in terms of general run down and scariness.  I know the transop folk are fighting an uphill battle with Americans thinking that if they go to Mexico for surgery, that they’re going to wake up in a bathtub full of ice and a stolen kidney, but that’s sooooo far from the truth.  The way things are set up here, it’s basically a beautiful bed and breakfast that you visit in a beautiful part of town, and oh, hey, you’re getting some “work” done on your body at the same time.

Nope. This didn't happen.

So Sunday we took an uber to Tonala, to visit the craft market.  Tonala is known for it’s ceramics and going crazy with the sun motif in designs and oh I want to buy everything and take it all home, but I can’t.

I highly suggest taking uber’s when you’re in another country and don’t speak thelanguage. It’s perfect.  As long as you know exactly the address you’re going to, it’salready pre-loaded with your uber driver and pretty much nothing can go wrong.  Theycan’t drive around in circles and charge you more or be an asshole because they want agood rating.   I just smile and tell them I don’t speak much spanish, and holy shit, theUber takes us about 20 miles out of town, and only costs 125 pesos, which is about$7.35  Where can you go 20 miles for $7 and that barely covers the cost of gas?

The market is wonderful and I am in search of painted tiles for a table mosaic projectI’m doing back at home.  We find the tile store and sadly they mostly sell whole boxesof tiles, which is far too heavy to bring home.   They also have gorgeous painted toiletsand sinks and I just want to redo my bathroom with these.

with toilets like these, I'd welcome Monteczuma's Revenge!

So yeah, when you convert them to USD they come out to be only about $180 each, which is nothing.  You can get them in the US, but they cost like $700+.   I’ve been told that maybe you can get them in Tiajuana and bring them back in to the states, so if I’m ever on a road trip to San Diego and back, I think I know what I’m going to bring home.

Tonala is beautiful, if a little rough around the edges.  They really like the sun motif here and there’s just too much to buy I can’t fit it all in my luggage.  Here is pretty much my haul of loot, and none of it cost that much.

Oh, and the food! Speaking of Monteczuma’s Revenge, I’m like one of those people to whom Mexican food has the opposite effect on.  As bad as Taco Bell is here, that’s my go-to food if I want something that calms my stomach.  Yeah, I know, that makes no sense.  But the tacos in Tonala?  Oh,  yum.. yum.. amazing.   The way tacos are supposed to be. And this plate of tacos was only 32 pesos (that’s less than $2)

I know this doesn’t look like tacos but it is.  it’s 4 of them and they’re flat.  The shells (are they shells, or tortilla?  I don’t know the terms?) are soft and just soaked in something, cooking oil? I don’t know.  Its a bit messy but the flavor is like soaked right into it all and oh..yum yum.. I’m craving this now. It’s going to be a challenge to find good Mexican food up here in Mass now that I’m back..

A few more days of rest and relaxation and I finally get around to working on some of the projects I brought with me.  I’m inspired by a Spanish-Mexican sorta flamenco thing and whip up this piece of artwork.  I wonder which lucky contributor to my indidgogo campaign will get this piece?

The last couple days there we still head off to the care facility (I’m not sure if hospital is quite the right word) for LED light treatment on my face.   I guess it’s supposed to speed up the healing process.  I don’t have any pictures of that, but here is what the outside of the building looks like. I remark that it looks like some kind of ice cream cake made out of chocolate and vanilla with hershey’s syrup drizzled on it..

The last days there I’m getting itchy to get home and back to work, and starting to visualize my new haircut.  I’m going to do for the short pixie cut, sort what JLaw has going on here.   At the moment I’m going to wait for the scabs and scars to all heal.

I know my hairline isn’t quite there yet, but my options have gone from nothing to something a bit more hopeful.  The reason I am so upfront about my issues transitioning is that I want to show people the difficulties of transitioning when you’re older than 30.  I came out as trans in my late 20′s, but wasn’t able to do much about it till my mid-30s and the older you get, the harder it is.  But for my age, I am blessed with good health and pretty much the body and stamina and healing of a teenager.  I know plenty of people my age whose bodies are falling apart, and I’m nowhere near that, thank God!

Pretty much to wrap things up, I fly back and for the first time, I’m just myself.  I’m presenting as female (of course), but not needing a wig to do it.  I scrape up a little makeup and I manage to foof up my hair a little bit.

When I have my layover in Houston (I flew in there the day after flights resumed after epic flooding), and I just the ladies room, damn their stupid bathroom laws.  Come to think of it, maybe the flooding is God’s way of pissing on them for their bigotry.  (It’s not just HB 2 in North Carolina folks, its ALL OVER the South..)

(btw, I have a lot of opinions about HB2 that I want to express I will just wait for another post for that).

So that brings us up to about now.  I’ve been home a day and a half and the first thing I did was take a nice bath, and trim off about an inch or two to my hair, and though it’s not the cut I want yet, it’s made me very happy to see myself like this.

This is still me without makeup, with some bruising (I have some weird yellow patches on my skin) and swelling in a few small places.  I have yet to do full makeup with false eyelashes and I haven’t even tried on any wigs to see what the new eye/forehead area will look like with longer hairstyles.  I haven’t tried it yet because I still have some lumps under the incision, and I’m a little worried that maybe I have a small infection under there.   I’m going to see how it is in a few days and if it gets worse or doesn’t go down I might have it looked at.  Once everything is good I’ll be back to camming (I might even try a little camming today) and I predict I can be doing shoots again in a week or two.  Like I said, I have a HUGE backlog of work I did before I left that I gotta slog through next.

Overall, I’m very pleased with the results.  It’s changed my outlook about things but since I spent about 10 days not thinking sexy thoughts, I haven’t been super turned on by much of anything.  So I’ve been far more introspective and looking back at my life and career and my journey more than anything else.  I had also planned on working a bit on my memoir while I had this downtime, and we’ll see what progress I make on that as well.

I do have other things to report about my career (some of it is VERY BIG news), but I’ll save that for another post, maybe tomorrow.

I want to send and extra extra thank you for all the people who contributed to my cause and want them to know how much this surgery has improved my happiness.  Since I’ve been back I’ve been very happy, and not even the untimely and unexpected passing of Prince can really bring me down now.  But right now I’m living in the now, looking at the past, and very soon I will be again thinking about the future, now that the prospects of the future have improved!

 

-Tara

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Tara’s FFS chronicle, part 1..

Whew.  This post is going to be a mouthful because I have a lot to report over what’s happened in the last few days.  Let’s see, it’s now Saturday, 4/16 and I had the procedure on Tuesday 4/12.

Where to start…  Where to start…  oh that’s right- The weeks before my surgery I crammed in as many shoots because I wanted to be prepared for the absolute worst case scenario where maybe I wouldn’t be able to shoot for something like months.  I pretty much met my goals of coming up with 10 photo or video shoots, even if I had to cook the books a little bit and factor in previously-shot-but-so-far-unused material to reach it.

Whenever I have an early morning flight I rarely sleep the night before.  I don’t know if I’m terrified I’m somehow not going to wake up, but I’m a naturally anxious person and just the anxiety itself will keep me awake.  Plus I rarely can ever get a wink of sleep on the plane itself, so I knew I was in for a pretty rough day Monday.

Boo Hoo. Tara gets NO sleep ever on these flights. EVER. This is why I will never go to the far east for surgery. 24 hours of straight flying will probably kill me.

I didn’t even take off my makeup from my Uranus shoot, that’s how close to the wire everything was.  Actually, Sunday night went mostly like this.   Uranus shooting from 7pm to 10pm. Then from 10pm to 3am I edited 100 pictures of “Green Dragon Corset”.  From 3am to when my ride arrived to take me to the airport- I finished all the buttons and web pages and uploaded the set.

I got the the airport at 5 for a 7am flight, switched over in Houston, where I had to bolt across from one terminal to another to catch my flight to Guadalajara.  It’s a good thing I packed only a carry on bag.  I knew a lot of my time there would be sleeping and recooperating so I really didn’t need to bring many outfits.

I tend to be prone to anxiety attacks and when they gave us the custom forms I realized I had no idea the address of where I was staying.  It was probably in all the documentation that transop.com sent to me, but I somehow had it in my head that I didn’t need to worry about it since they were handling all transportation for me.  So I freaked out and bought wifi on the airplane minutes before touchdown, to get any address of any place involved with the business. I jotted down the hospitals’ address, and of course, customs didn’t even bat an eyelash or care what I put down.  So one crisis averted.

I touched down in Guadalajara at about 2pm to see how nutty Mexico can be.  On one of the taxiways there sits a run down and clearly abandoned jetliner.    Did it run out of gas or break down there 10 years ago?  Who knows!  But like Mexico itself it’s fascinating and not at all what I expected.

Or is this the equivalent to having a parts car up on cinder blocks in your driveway?

 

I see this and of course always think "Who do I need to talk to in order to shoot my stewardess porn on a real plane"?

Arriving at the terminal I quickly found my traveling companion who is shooting a film about me (I’m not sure how in depth I want to go about that project, but trust me, you’ll be hearing more about that this year- LOTS of big projects involving me are in the works).

The liason from Dr Cardenas’s Transop.com was a little late, because I’m the sort of person who just thinks that everything is going to go wrong, but once we were on our way  (Vicente was his name), I was quickly assured that I was in very good hands.

The way things were planned, as this was Monday, I needed to fly in early enough in the afternoon so that we could do the cardio exam and the blood test, and then the actual consultation with the doctor (even though we had discussed via email what exactly we were going to do, and he looked over pictures of the areas we were going to fix).

Anyway, I’m running of fumes, and of course, I’m also dressed for sub- 60 degree weather, so I’m getting pretty hot and tired.  I wore a wig on the flight down, because my natural hairline isn’t really the greatest passable thing in the world (which is the very reason I’m getting FFS), but after the first meeting, I was like fuck it, I’m not wearing this thing again on this trip.  When I go home, I’m going to travel with my natural hairline, dammit.

And really, seriously, I would love to hear from anyone who keeps insisting that I don’t need FFS.  Simply put, I didn’t have a passable hairline- because I lost a fair amount of hair before I transitioned in my late 20′s/early 30s.  This was and is the best solution, and of course, guess what fuckers?   It’s too late to bitch about it now!

So the consultation took forever but was very hopeful that in the end I’d have a more pleasing hairline, and even though I will still need some hair transplants to fill in the top corner area, I’m very happy with the results so far.  But oh no! I’m getting ahead of myself!

Here’s a “before” picture if you don’t believe what I’m saying…  You can also see how I had something of a prominent brow ridge. I was able to hide this very well under wigs that had bangs and that’s why for years everyone would swear up and down that I didn’t need surgery, but let’s be honest, this isn’t what you’d call passable.  It just sorta screams “trans person”.
So we got settled into the recovery suite which is in a pretty nice area of town.  Of course, having never been to Mexico (I guess the closest thing would be Jamaica) I didn’t know what to expect from the architecture.  I found it to be a lot like Los Angeles to be honest.  There are nice parts and not so nice parts.  The recovery house is pretty large, with each room set up with it’s own bathroom, many with skylights that also serve as tiles for rooftop sun deck.  One of the rooms in the front faces the road with a balcony almost at arm’s length to a big grapefruit tree.  It’s all really pretty and well decorated.  It’s best described as a bed and breakfast, and they prepare meals for the patients as well.
In many ways it’s small and cozy, but so well decorated with lots of interesting decor that it’s one of the better places I’ve stayed, and far nicer than any hotel.  There’s a fridge filled with things like yogurt (after that first night after surgery you want some liquid meals) and each room has a Roku with Netflix and fill internet wifi (I was worried they might not have that).  You can also call the USA from their landline, a cordless phone in your room- that’s included in the price. So they really did think of everything.  Each room’s bathroom has a shower but lacks a tub, but I can see reasons why they probably don’t want the patients having tubs.

So Monday night I finally got some real sleep, and we had to be up at 7am Tuesday, which in Guadalajara is way before the crack of dawn (it’s further south and at the very western edge of the Central time zone).  Vicente takes me and another patient to the hospital, which isn’t really so much a hospital as a state of the art plastic surgery specific facility.  It’s really brand new, having only opened in the last year or two.  It’s pretty much as modern of a place as you’d expect, and on par with, if not better than most clinics in the United States. Plus pretty much everyone who works there is pretty gorgeous themselves too.  The pretty people in Latin America are very very pretty.

Of course, I haven’t eaten anything since midnight the night before, and I pull off my pajamas and put them into a locker and get into the jonny they give me (is that what they’re called?).  They roll me on the stretcher and then I briefly see the operating room.. Nobody even tells me they’re administering the anesthesia but apparently they did (no one seems to use the gas any more- when I got my boob job in 2014, they used an i.v. too.).  I kind of wish they did the countdown, because I aways need to brush up on my spanish numbers..

I think the surgery was around 8 or 9 am.  I wake up in the recovery room and it’s maybe 2pm. I look like this:

It’s immediately clear that something is different but it’s hard to tell.   I look weirdly pretty in these first pictures, because the black and blue bruising of the eyelids looks like makeup.

The other thing I can’t quite put my finger on is that when I had my very first email consultation, I mentioned a desire to have my nose done, but couldn’t afford it.  I didn’t want a drastic nose job, just to make it more ski jump and less Wicked Witch of the West.  And I had that on my list of things that maybe I’d do later.  But seeing these pictures, I can almost swear that while he was in there, he took a little off the top of the nose when he shaved down the brow.   If this still looks like this once I’m healed, then I won’t change anything else about my nose.   But you can see from these pictures that the brow is a lot smoother and less prominent.

So I’m in this room, for hours.  And hours, and what seems like hours and hours. I mustv’e woken up at 2pm, but my friend didn’t find me until maybe 4:30.  I have vague memories of doctors coming in and telling me that the surgery went very well, and that there were no complications.  There’s a staff of nurses there, but none speak English, and I don’t speak Spanish.  There’s no tv, no radio (though I swear at one point I heard Madonna faintly in the background.).  The only sound in the room is the cursed heart monitor, and after countless hours of this I’m literally starting to be driven crazy by it.

This damn thing. Curse you. Curse you forever.

Countless hours of my brain having nothing to engage it except the off key binging of this machine really starts to wear me down. I have discovered that I can withstand physical pain, but like the torture of a dripping faucet of a binging machine will drive me to insanity. Adolf Hitler himself could get me to tell him where the troops were landing on D-Day if it just meant turning this thing off. I think this video describes my descent into dementia.  I’ll post a few of the other ones up to my tumblr.

IMG_7436

They keep telling me that I’m going to be going home in a few minutes.  My friend finally finds me (the insanity portion was before she did), and later on she gets me my phone and I keep my sanity by quietly playing songs on it to my ear.  After a few more hours finally we can go, although when I’m walking around I do get a hot flash and feel faint. I have to sit down and let it pass, but once I’m ready to go I’m really ready to go.

My sentiments at the time.

So I finally went home after that evening, though I’m not sure why it took so long or just my state of mind plus nothing to do made the time just stretch.

The next day I spent mostly in bed but soon discovered that the medication I was on (which I think was a combination of pain killers and anti-inflammatories)  sorta kept me awake at night.  I was expecting something nice and soothing to take me out of things, but instead there was a stimulant in there.  I can’t tell you how much I was craving some pot- this would have been the perfect place for it, as it would have killed the pain and taken me out of it, but maybe it would have kind of taken me on a bad trip, I’m not sure.  I later heard that pot is still pretty illegal in Mexico, even for medical purposes.  So I just had to tough it for a while.

I really look like mummy as they wrapped my legs up for some reason. Did they take my brain out through my nose and stuff me with natron while I wan't looking?

NOTE:   So, I’m going to post this-  As I write this, actually a week has passed, but this post only covers the first 3 days of my trip (though it was written later in the week).  Yeah, I know, I’m confused too.

I’m back home now and I have a lot to report, but I’ll so a part 2 and a part 3 and post them in a few days, and bring everyone up to speed

 

-Tara

Posted in Bimbofication, My life, Tara's FFS indiegogo, travel, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Priorities before my surgery…

Well, even though I am reporting on this after my surgery, I’m going to first talk about what I did before I went off to Mexico..

In mid-March I set an unrealistic goal of coming up with the content of 10 shoots (either photo or video) before I left for surgery, so I would have a nice backlog of content to edit while I was recovering when I return.

The first three of these shoots were “Sex On Wheels”, “Fluffer Bunny” and “Dark Bunny”.  Then I filmed video scenes recreating the  “Polkadots and Pearls” and “Strawberries and Cream” shoots (making 5 total).

Then a photographer I worked with sent me a link to a shoot we did that I had nearly forgotten (that counts as #6).  Then shoot #7 was this one shown below (more about this one in a few minutes).

Shoot #8 is one I haven’t shown yet, (I’m not at home so I don’t have any samples to show).  Shoot #9 is actually some missing (video) scenes I need to finish the Uranus Project.

It feels nice to be back in uniform!

I know you can’t tell what’s going on here, but when you see the movie it will make sense

There was also some last minute set building the week before I left, but the actual scene that I shot for Uranus was literally shot about 12 hours before my flight to Mexico.  Talk about cramming!  But as I’ve learned about myself, as time remaining to work on a project decreases, productivity increases exponentially!

Giant robot corkscrew cock, that's all I'll say

Again, I’ll have more to report on this when I get back.

And for shoot #10?  Well, when I shot with Christian XXX back in January, there’s a shoot or two I haven’t used on my site, so we can just lie and say that will count as 10.

The night before I left for my surgery (Sunday night April 10th- my flight was super early Monday), I just ripped through as much as I could for editing a new shoot, which I quickly named “Green Dragon Corset”.  I only got through about 100 of them before I decided to throw them up on the site.  When I return I will probably add about 75 to the set.  It’s a nice simple set, and it came out better than expected.

I managed to get some pleasing poses, and the fact that I shot it all in a few hours , a few days before leaving, and edited about half the set in the 4 hours I had to kill before catching my plane – well, it sorta goes to prove that I can bang out decent content in a hurry if I am forced to.

Of course, all of this news pales to what’s going on with my surgery, but I just wanted to get this post out of the way first…

About that surgery….

 

 

 

Posted in Behind the Scenes, New shoot! | 10 Comments

Double Bunny Whammy!

Three down, seven to go!
Yeah,  I know, today is Easter and you’re technically supposed to get your holiday themed shoots out before the holiday, but Easter came early this year and sorta crept up on me (it’s not like I’m religious enough to celebrate it anyway).
But hey, bunny-themed shoots!   And if one isn’t to your liking, well, then maybe the other one is!

 

So yeah, the fursuit.  Um.. uh.. yeah.  If ya into that, here it is!   It’s actually funny, because the pink fursuit is one of the few costumes I’ve gotten specific requests for while webcamming, so yep, there are few fetishes I won’t visit in order to make a buck!
And although there’s not that many poses you can do with an outfit that only exposes your crotch, part of the shoot is the fun of taking it off  (even though it was below 60º in my studio, you get very warm in that thing fairly quickly).

 

But if that shoot is too weird for your liking, perhaps  you might enjoy this bunny-themed shoot…  If the pink fuzzy one is a candy peep, then this one is a dark chocolate bunny!

 

You can file this shoot under the “less is more” category.  I think sometimes I add too much to shoots and the backgrounds or outfits get too busy, and it usually ends up that they’re better with a simpler backdrop or less elements that distract the viewer from what’s really going on.  I sorta had that problem with the fursuit one.  I started that shoot with a pile of stuffed animals and quickly realized that it didn’t work, and halfway through the shoot jettisoned them and rolled in the pink and white setee and went with that.

 

So for this shoot I just sticked with the rococo couch, pink and red damask back wall, and kept the outfit to simple blacks with black sex toys.  I think the shoot came out far better by sticking to these limited elements.

Side note:  This black PVC corset is freakin’ ancient.  It’s dates back to 2003 when I made it and it originally had lavender polkadots glued to it, and used for “Mouse Trap”.  Oh man, talk about crappy picture quality. That was one of the last shoots I did on my Sony Mini-DV camera before I got a “real” digital camera.  Those early early days were tough because if I wanted decent picture quality I had to shoot on film which was very tough to self shoot and get good results.  It also seems inconceivable these days that once opon a time I actually made decent money off a site that had a handful of shoots where the pictures were only 800 pixels big at the largest dimension.

 

Ah, I remember this shoot.  Yeah, I could re-create this one, but that mouse trap prop is long since gone.  I recall the plywood getting re-made into the bench of the nurses shoot, and then later on it got taken apart and turned into something else.  You can’t hold on to everything forever.

Several years later (2008) I peeled the polkadots off the corset and added some nice white trim to it and voila!  It had a new life for a while as “Pussycock in Boots”!

So when it came to doing this shoot, I was hunting around for a shiny black pvc or latex corset. I used to have a simple black latex corset but couldn’t find it.  And for some reason I don’t seem to have one in pvc either.   That’s sorta why this new shoot was a little late. I couldn’t spent another day whipping one up (a black pvc corset is a staple of any fetishist’s wardrobe), but instead decided to just remove the trim and polish up the old corset.   It’s probably the oldest pvc corset I still have.  PVC vinyl is notorious for only lasting about a decade before the shiny part of the fabric peels away from the stretchy part.  This PVC is pretty thick so it’s lasted longer.   I may or many not sew the trim back on.  Yeah, I know, this isn’t particularly exciting behind-the-scenes information.  Only I get teary-eyed and wistfully nostalgic about parts of my ever expanding wardrobe.  (I know y’all dont’ really give a crap. You’re all just like where’s my porn, gimme my porn dammit!)
Oh yeah, bunny, give me that big cock baby. That’s more like it.  Uh huh.  Bow chicka wow wow.

I’m not sure which shoot I’ll throw up there first, but they’ll probably go up nearly at the same time.  I’ll probably wrap up the fursuit one first, so that the masked bunny one will stay up on the site longer until whatever is next in April.

So what was this 3 down, 7 to do stuff about?  Well (maybe I mentioned this before), but I gave myself a goal of banging out 10 shoots before my ffs surgery keeps me out of work for a while.  Number 1 was “Sex On Wheels” and these were 2 and 3.    Of the 7 left, I have two planned in nooks in my house, and then a further 2 are video shoots that recreate two older shoots.  And then I’m planning that a couple shoots be all-new outfits, and then another scene might be one of the missing scenes i need to finish my sci-fi trans porn movie. (yeah, I know, that thing..  I’m going to finish it this year I swear , really I will.  In fact, the plan is that I’m while I’m recovering from surgery and looking like a mac truck hit me, that’s the perfect time to shoot all the FX shots.  We’ll see what happens.)

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, Bimbofication, New shoot!, Tara's fetish designs | 12 Comments

“Sex On Wheels”

Oh hey look!  A new shoot and not really what I had planned at all, it just well…  happened!

So I had been working on painting an old vanity pink and white, and reupholstering a setee and a chair (and the setee was a found on the side road thing) in hot pink stetch velvet with painte white woodwork.  I was throwing a set together for an upcoming pink and white striped outfit (actually a modification of “Sugar Rush”), when I got distracted by some dress making.  A couple of days ago I decided I wanted to get a head start on some spring and summer fashions.

Perhaps you’ve seen this dress that I wore for my shoot for pure-ts.com with Christian XXX.   I made it last year and I think all my friends commented that I wore it to several events in a row.  You know how that is when you have a favorite piece of clothing you wear it all the time?

Sooner or later this shoot will go up on my site, but for now It’s just waiting in the can.

In any event, I loved my custom made pattern so decided to make more dresses like this.  So this past week I made one that was white polkadots on hot pink.
I decided it was good enough for a shoot since it matched the pink and white set so well, but halfway through the shoot I decided to finally do something with some roller skates I have that I’ve been wanting to shoot with for years.

So I had these skates lying around and I’ve been trying to figure out a roller skating shoot concept for like nearly a decade now.  At one point I was going to do a 50′s car hop thing, and I looked into renting like some 50′s cars and building like an outdoor diner set and the whole idea was overwhelming.

Then for a while the concept morphed into a punk-ish tattooed roller derby girl wearing nothing but skates, some torn fishnets, some knee pads, and maybe a few bandaids.   Despite my skates being “Roller Derby®” brand , they’re not really roller derby skates, which look more like sneakers on wheels than figure skates.

So partway through this shoot I decided to throw the skates on and use them.  I could’ve pushed the 50s retro thing further with poodle skirts & bobby sox, but it is what it is.  And sometimes the easy and spontaneous shoots end up being better than the ones where there’s so much planning and so many details that the excitement of posing gets lost in there somewhere.  I think in general I just need to get over my hangups about trying to make every shoot unique and distinct and accept that it’s totally ok to have concepts overlap each other, or to use the same set pieces a few times.  Well, we’ve seen this pink and white background a lot, though technically not for over a year now.
So it’s a blonde-girl-on-quads shoot and I haven’t ruined the two other skating concepts if I want to go back into them.  I can still do a roller skating car-hop waitress later this year (there’s gotta be some kinky guy out there who will lend me his hot rod/classic car and be ok with shooting porn on it), and I can still do the roller derby girl one and they’ll still be different.  I’ll just mix up the colors for one of them, and for the derby girl I’ll find some proper roller derby skates.
Sometimes porn shoot concepts are like fractals.  You can come up with one idea, and then come up with multiple variations on each idea until each one is a seperate and distinct idea.  Then you can take each one of those idea and do different color variations on it.  Then before you know it, you have an almost unlimited supply of concepts.   More than my little blonde bimbo brain can handle?  By no means!  All I pretty much think of is makin’ smut, so my brainpower is allocated quite efficiently.  (yeah, i know, big words for a bimbo, right?).

Trust me, that part of my brain devoted to smut concepts in someone else would be wasted on sportsball facts and figures.   I think we can all agree that my brainpower is best spent on looking pretty and coming up with new ways of being a deliciously clever sex doll.
And besides, I’ve spent over a decade in the business of coming up with snappy names for shoots and somehow I haven’t used “Sex On Wheels” yet?  Well, here it is, “Sex On Wheels”!

So enjoy!  The shoot came out to like 187 pix, and yes, I’m still hard at work at rattling off as many shoots as I can before I go off for surgery in April.  Some will be spontaneous shoots but theres there’s a few I have in the works that really push the envelope much further than I’ve ever been (you’re just going to have to wait to see!)

But since there hadn’t been a new one in a while I thought I’d release this one now.

Ta ta!

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, Bimbofication, New shoot! | 8 Comments

The Calm before the Storm

So it’s probably been noticeable that I’ve sorta been on a lazy side since I got back from Vegas.   I don’t really have any excuse for it though, as I can’t say that I’m hampered by the shitty winter or can’t get into my studio or whatever.  It’s been a pretty mild winter and I’m in much better shape this March than I was a year ago.

Last year at this time the entire month of February it never went above freezing.   Plus we were in the middle of the record breaking snowiest Winter ever, with like 7 feet of snow when all was said and done, which didn’t all melt until June.

Also last year at this time I was more of less wasting my time each weekend at the Satin Doll.  The relentless weekend blizzards killed business while at the same time it was taking time away from shoots or working on my site or anything.

But what’s going on now?  Well, like I said, I sorta rested up a bit once I got a little bump in business from the shoots I did for www.Pure-ts.com and www.trans500.com.

But I am planning, and now I’m about to head into a flurry of activity, because I have surgery coming up and I’m going to be laid up for a while.

I can announce that I have scheduled my FFS surgery for April 12th with Dr Cardenas in Mexico and will very likely spend about a month or two recovering once I get back.

Which means that between now and April 12th I have tons of photo shoots to do so that I have a backlog of photographs and videos to edit.

Although it takes a lot of time to set up a shoot, and build sets/clean house/make outfits/get all the details perfect, the act of doing the shoot itself usually is only about 3 or 4 hours.   And if I’m really clever (and horny), I can sometimes bang out 2 shoots in a night if they’re all set up.

So I’ve been working on this:
I know refinishing furniture isn’t terribly exciting news but these are all things I’m putting together to match an over the top pink and white striped outfit.   I’ve got several other ideas that are kinda hush-hush now but push the whole “Flesh and Blood Futanari Fuckdoll” tagline I’ve been using.  Perhaps you’ve seen it on the new splash page at www.tara-ts.com (you might have to refresh your page to get rid of the old artwork)

This is all part of the new career direction I’m going in, so a lot of the bits of the site that you see before entering will get some changes.

I’ve been webcamming a lot, though I usually get pretty lazy when I cam and wear whatever I feel like.  I have a bunch of new hairstyles and I’m planning outfits and shoots around all these new looks.

And would it shock you to know that I have never had any formal training in cosmetic application?  And somehow I’ve gone through most of my adult life without really incorporating many highlights in my makeup?

Here I am perfecting my brainless bimbo look.  This was a selfie taken during one of my camming sessions.

So I will be putting together a shoot for the end of this week.  And then there will be a ton more on their way but I will be doling them out pretty slowly until I’m fully recovered from my surgery.  In a few weeks I’ll also have some other news to report about my Transformation Magazine pictorial and interview, once I know when it comes out.

Otherwise I’m just enjoying the spring and can’t wait to get my surgery done!

 

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, My life, Uncategorized | 11 Comments

Tara goes hardcore in “Pigtailed Fucktoy”


Hey, sorry it’s been a slow February but here’s one of my Las Vegas shoots with Christian XXX to excite you!

Actually it’s sorta 1/3 solo scene and 2/3 hardcore scene but who cares!  It’s me getting fucked good and hard, which I think is what a lot of you really want to see!

What can I say?  It’s a porn scene!  We shot a lot, but I trimmed the shoot down to the 225 best pictures.  We shot video too, but I’m still editing that, so that will follow later in March.

What else is new?  Well, there have been slight changes to my site under the hood, though if I didn’t mention them you might not have noticed.

Most noticeably,  I’ve re-edited and upscaled two old shoots.  The two I picked were “Cum Scout” from 2004 and “Birthday Girl” from 2006.  So if you go to the 2004 and 2006 gallery pages, you might notice that the buttons themselves for those shoots are also larger.

It should be easy to tell which one of these photoshoots has been upgraded...

The general idea is that I will pick a few of these per month and upload them.  I’m not going to make a huge deal about these upscaled shoots, but I may mention them on this blog whenever I finish a batch of them.  Since I’m working from the originals, I might end up choosing completely different pictures, and the total tallies of these shoots might also change.  It’s also possible that a few older shoots get culled too.  It’s not a bad idea to just trim down some of the old stuff to the cream of the crop, right?  Here’s some samples of the new, bigger versions.

 

Anyway, hope this ties people over for about a week or so until I ramp up for some completely brand new shoots, and more video updates and replacement of video clips on my site with longer and higher quality ones.

-Tara

Posted in Behind the Scenes, New shoot! | 5 Comments

Sneak Peek at my next video update.

Right now I’m editing 3 scenes for my next video update.   The scenes are “Slut in the Butt”, “Cherry Bomb” and “Coquette Cumpot”.

Here’s a little teaser for “Slut in the Butt”.  I had to make this sample small and short in order to upload it to here, but the member’s website versions will be in nice glorious full HD.

“The Slut in the Butt”

I just wanted to let people know things were happening!

 

-Tara

Posted in Uncategorized | 23 Comments

Again, so busy I hardly have time to report on it.

A lot of things are going on, but sadly I haven’t really had time to report on them.   I sorta had to wait for things to calm down, which now they have.

Okay, so Coquette Cumpot came out, and then the next thing coming up was Valentine’s Day, and I thought a bit about making a new outfit and doing a shoot for the holiday, though I’ve never let the other 364 days (ok, technically 365 this year) stop me from doing pink or heart themed outfits and shoots.

But it didn’t happen because of a few things.   First off, I had a deadline on an interview for Transformation Magazine, and I actually needed to spent a good day or so editing and working  up photos for the pictoral.  This is kind of a Big Deal because I haven’t graced their pages in about 12 years and my artistic output has improved dramatically since 2004.

So at the end of last week I had to get that out of the way.  Then coming up last weekend was Fetish Flea Fair in Rhode Island.  I tend to pop in on Saturday though I never really make the whole weekend out of it.  It’s a half hour drive for me and I could never quite ever justify staying at the hotel and stuff, though maybe next year I’ll try to “do it right”

I tossed “Coquette Cumpot” into a suitcase and did that thing I usually do.  Strut around and be me.    But last weekend was unimaginably cold.   By the time I walked back out to my car (at 5 pm) in -8 F with a -20 windchill I was done with that shit.  There were parties I could have gone to that night but I could already project the nightmare vision of getting out of a club at 3 am wearing fetish clothes and discovering my car battery not having enough juice at -15 below so once I got back home I was like “No way I’m heading out in that crap”

So I went to bed early and got under the covers.  And it was such a wise move not to have stayed out super late that night (or even moderately late).

I woke up and things smelled fumey in the house.  In the bitter cold the furnace was almost running non stop but it was sorta spewing soot out the little inspection door on the front of it.  On some surfaces of my house (like certain plastic and the tv glass), there was a thin film of soot.  And my gray and white fluffy cat Austin was sorta gray and gray.  Uh oh.

So I suspected maybe I ought to look at the furnace.  Yep.  time for a cleaning.

Youre supposed to be able to see right through those things right down to the combustion chamber, but nope!  There was nowhere for the smoke or soot to go but leak out the front of the boiler.

And I’ve done this before, so I’m not intimidated by it.  It’s not rocket science, it’s just a filthy job, and I’d been putting it off for a while since I had gotten my nails done last January and well, I didn’t want to do dirty shit.  But as these things happen, whenever anything breaks, it’s always on the weekend.  So time to get the brushes and the shop vac out, and yep, this was how I was spending my Valentine’s Day.

I present to you, the most unflattering picture of me ever taken, ever... Chim chiminey, chim chiminy chim, chim, cheree!

It didn’t actually take too long, as all the soot was fluffy and loose.  Not like when I had it professionally cleaned in 2013 and they spent hours trying to brush off the soot, when the reality is that it was hardened on like lava and really needed to be filed off with tools.

So I got super dirty.  Hey, you can’t get much more steampunk than that, right?

Satisfied that did a job well done and probably saved myself a bundle (though at a later date I’ll probably hire someone to adjust the burner settings and try to improve the furnace efficiency.), I went to take that well deserved bath.

uh oh. No hot water.  Anywhere.  The cold water was running fine but no hot.

Checked the water heater. It was fine.  And no pipes had burst.  And though I really dreaded the idea of getting in the crawl space below the ell of the house (the most likely place where the pipes would have frozen), I was filthy already so I might as well.

So the rest of Valentine’s Day was spent indentifying where the pipes might most likely be frozen.  It took some common sense to see that any places where there was no insulation and where there were valves or right angles or tees were the most likely culprits.

It took all day to get my pipes thawed but I did finally take that bath and the water was absolutely black when I was done.    But I could do little about the frozen pipes going towards the washing machine until they naturally thawed today (it was nearly 60 today go figure).  Thankfully nothing burst.  It sucked up all my Valentine’s Day, but I consider avoiding an expensive disaster as a win.

So, getting back to the Transformation magazine interview I mentioned that I was working in my memoir and that it would be a graphic novel/comic book.  I’ve been writing and doing rough draft pages for this project for 10 years but had little to show for it but I wanted to finally take the plunge and start on it for realz.

I’ve worked in comics before and did some great work 15-20 years ago but I got really burned by the industry.  Financially and emotionally, and I left indie comics not wanting to  be any part of it, though I know I have the chops to do it well.  So with much hesitation I started drawing and inking a few panels, and for better or worse, it all started to come back to me.

But I’m not super happy with my drawing style right now.  As frank and as honest as the black and white inking style is (and it harkens back to my own influences, from David Macaulay to Gilbert Shelton to even R. Crumb), I feel it’s not as lush as I’d like it to be.

Part of me defaulting to black and white is simply because in the 90′s most indie comix people could only afford to print in b&W.  Color was far to expensive.  That’s probably not quite the case any more.

So this just a tease so far then.  I’m still testing the waters and have been out of the business long enough to know that it’s changed a lot.  I’m not sure how I feel about webcomics.  Actually the advent of webcomics was part of the reason I got out of comics altogether.  If I couldn’t make a living off selling physical books, how could I possibly do so in an age where digital duplication and dissemination was the new norm?  Add to that the fact that in the early days, most webcomics were more of the daily comic strip variety (you now, the four panel… punchline type, and ill suited or big epic works.

I’ve set up a patreon page but I’m not quite ready to announce it yet.  And I want to get a big chunk of my memoir done first before I make a press announcement.  But this is the biggest work I’ve done in a long time, though it strangely has me tearing down my own myth while I’m feeding my own legend at the same time.

Which hopefully means that it’s a book of very mixed feelings.  And I heard someone once somewhere say that “Good art is clear thinking about mixed feelings”.  I like that.  If anyone has the right to drown the legend of Tara Emory in the bathtub, it’s me. Or if they want to perpetuate the myth and spin it into something else, well that’s also me too.

Good thing the hot water is running again!

-Tara

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments