June has been a rough month for me. But it’s important that I rear my head and let everyone know what I’m up to, and that I’m still alive and that the reason I haven’t reported much is simply that I’ve been far too busy to even report on the things I’ve been up to.
First things first, of course, is that The Satin Doll closed around the first week of June. And with it I can say goodbye to a lot of drama (ooh, stripper drama! The best kind of drama!). I may write a whole other blog post about that, but right now I’m content to just have nice thoughts about the place, and the experience I had there. There’s a chance something might pop up the replace it, a few nights a week I guess.
But more importantly, the loss of my earnings at The Satin Doll is a big financial hit for me. When it was good, you’d be making good money for the 6 or 7 hours that it took out of a few days a week. When it was bad, it was frustrating being there, just thinking that I was wasting time that could’ve better been spent on new shoots or, well, anything else.
Up to about mid-May, I was still doing well. After I came back from Florida (Memorial Day weekend), it was clear the well had gone dry, and I didn’t make too much at all. On one of those dead nights I got a few pictures of me there, though I never did get any video of me pole dancing.
As a souvenir of the place I managed to score a few of their lampshades. There was talk about me sneaking in and getting a photo shoot done at the bar, but without a partner in crime to pull it off (ok, well I did have permission), it didn’t really happen.
So with that gone, I decided to take a few weeks off to work on other things. I involved myself in a car project that so far hasn’t yielded much thats drivable since this particular car ended up being a LOT more work than I bargained for. However, I did a bang-up job on the upholstery so I ever get desperate for a normal job I can always go into upholstery (more on that later).
And somewhere around mid-month I did get my other recent shoot (now called Polkadot Overdose) up and running on the site. It’s ok, I admit it doesn’t break any new ground, but then again I think I could just re-shoot all my old outfits in my new tits and y’all would be happy with that.
But I had gone and made myself a list of unfinished projects around my yard and life that were like 75% done. It was a big list, and I’d get distracted a lot (which is why I seem to be surrounded by unfinished projects). I’m very flighty when it comes to projects, and I get easily bored, and then alternately overwhelmed by life and project, projects projects.
So I like to shoot porn in my backyard, which is away from the prying eyes of neighbors. However, everyone has seemed to decide that it’s a shortcut to a convenience store and coffee shop, so I wasted so much energy on just being angry about that. Like really, you kids (and adults who should know better), stay out of my yard.
So I spent a lot of time building fence, out of bamboo, which I’m imaging will also double as a great background for a bloodthirsty Ooga-Booga cannibal shoot someday.
So this is all bamboo harvested from my own yard, as I have a patch I try to um.. contain.. when I mow around it. Sadly, to make my life even worse, my (ride on) lawnmower needs like a $400 repair, and when all you have to use is a push mower to mow an acre and a half (and you really don’t have the budget to hire someone to do it), suddenly life gets very hard in the heat of the summer.
So there was losing the Satin Doll gig, having to deal with fencing out the neighbors (because really, I don’t want people walking in on my nude sunbathing in the backyard), and lots of manual labor I was happy to do (the secret, I found out, is to mow your lawn at dusk, when the sun isn’t so powerful).
Somewhere in there I experienced a few days of feeling very numb, and I don’t know if I had exerted myself of I was just pushing myself too hard. I was also having a lot of anxiety about my loss of income (though I should’ve just jumped on webcam – more on that later). I woke up one day -I think June 17th- feeling like absolute garbage. I tend to also get dehydrated overnight but some magic horrible combination of things was making me feel like crap. I called my doctor to ask if some recent change to my prescriptions might have caused this. They didn’t seem to think so but said maybe I should get myself to the ER.
I got into my trusty Volvo, and drove the 6 or so miles to the nearest hospital. Only like a mile away I started to feel very light headed, and anxious. I somehow I knew I wasn’t going to make it, and wether I started to hyperventilate or not I don’t recall. All I know is that I had a thought in my head that I was dying, and waking up with my head on the passenger seat, and my car off the road, in a city.
Somehow I think I knew I wasn’t going to make it and started to start to park the car, but instead I was gone fully up onto the curb and into a parking lot and the front bumper was gently up to rest against a metal post. I regained consciousness and someone in their truck was calling the police, about my “accident”, which to him looked worse than it was because my windshield has a bunch of cracks in it (I think he thought I had hit my head).
My first though of course, after realizing that I hadn’t died, and just had fainted, was fuck, I can’t leave the car here- the last thing my sorry broke ass needs is an expensive tow/impound/insurance hike. Wether the post had stopped me or I already had my foot on the brake I don’t know, but I backed up, and not far from where I went off, was an open parking spot. I managed to do this before the ambulance came, and as far as anyone was concerned, there really had been no accident at all (there was no damage to my car, and the metal post had just been shifted over like 6 inched in the ground- and was so rough looking I think the thing had been hit a bunch of times anyway.
So you’d think that the hospital visit itself would be noteworthy, but all I can say is that they got me on IV fluids, I felt like shit for about 5 hours, then suddenly felt normal and back to my old self. CT scans and all sorts of tests really didn’t reveal anything, so if anything was wrong with me past just simple exhaustion and fainting from anxiety I have no idea. And it seems like doctors don’t know either.
And apparently ambulance companies don’t know how to do their jobs because a week later, I got a $1800 bill for the half mile ambulance ride (and I’ve ridden in an ambulance before with my insurance so I know it’s not supposed to cost me this much). Somehow they had the bill written out to my old boy name, which I legally changed ages ago, so I have no idea what’s going to happen when I try to use Tara’s insurance to pay for it, because they’ll probably think I’m trying to use someone else’s insurance.
Anyway, that’s something I will deal with later.
I pretty much took it easy for a while, editing the Polkadot Overdose shoot, and figuring out how to pay my bills. I’m a little late paying my mortgage payment for July, but I’ve been aggressively webcamming on www.streamate.com so I know that if I put the hours into it, I can pretty much make up for the lost Satin Doll income.
So back to my list of things to do. One of them was -finish the spaceship for UNS that I started making a year ago and it got put on the back burner and sorta fell behind the stove.
In a marathon, almost overnight session, I made some serious progress on the ship. Why I decided to give it this much detail, well, I hope when I start shooting the spaceship flying shots, I will really make this film into something special.
The technique for all these “metal” panels is taking many many pieces of silver spray painted poster board and then using spray glue to stick them to the body of the ship, which (in order to get that compound curve bulbous V-2 rocket profile – as opposed to just a simple rocket tube), was a complicated combination of carved foam and that Good Stuff spray foam. Then along the edges of the panels I would take a nail that was secured in a pair of tiny vise grips, hold that in one hand and gently hammer the rivet dibits.
Sadly over the course of sitting over a year and just expanding and contracting in the air, the spaceship was already starting to fall apart, and a lot of the panels were falling off. So a lot of the panels also have tiny pins holding them in. Long story short, I need to finish this fucking thing and do all the shots with it before it falls apart completely. Since there is a big space battle in the film (yes, there’s a lot of shots of us on the bridge lurching to the left and then to the right), it’ll work, just shoot the battle shots last, and trash the ship.
What remains to be made for it are the cockpit cowl (ahem, the mushroom head) and the rocket engine pods (the balls), and of course, some more painting (numbers, stripes, whatever), and landing gear. The thing is built with a threaded rod running through it so I can film it doing barrel rolls and all that.
Otherwise I had it in my plans to get a few shoots done by the end of June but somehow that didn’t happen. I still have these giant cherries in my studio waiting for the last bits I need to make that outfit come together (which are actually some more tattoos I want to do for the whole look).. In plan on doing this fairly soon.
Right now I’m working on a fetish Unicorn/Pegasus shoot that will be called…. wait for it…. ”Bronie’s Wet Dream”. If I haven’t offended people with anything else I’ve done, well this shoot might as well do it.
I experimented with various ways of getting a rainbow look to my wigs, and something wasn’t working at all
Sometimes too much is too much, and less is more, so I chucked that idea of combing wigs together for a cheap-ass (but works so well) rainbow wig from the party store. The outfit will be spectacular based on the outfit itself, not the stupidly big hair (I have no idea what I was thinking there) .
And the whole outfit so far. Right now I have to re-make the angel wings because they’re over 10 years old and falling apart, also they don’t really have the shape I want.
I was going to make “hoof boots” but I think I’m just going to fine tune the look I have here and run with it. I can’t be getting myself hung up over every goddamn detail like I usually do.
I don’t quite know what I’m going to do for a background yet. Since I’ve sorta veered away from the whole my little pony look and more towards a Lisa Frank look, I’ll come up with something, though I’ll try to keep it simple. In any respect, I’m getting sick of the pink and white striped background I’ve been using too much the last few years (I think it’s time to paint over that wall and do something else.
So that’s where I am at now. I’m off to get a few supplies today to wrap up this outfit, and I’ve also got a few concept for outdoorsy shoots I’ll probably set up at the same time as this (one with roller skates sitting on this very nice park bench that I recently restored)
Found another couch (this was the night of the day spent in the hospital). I can’t resist a roadside find, as long as it’s an actual antique. This will look fantastic in a nice apple green velvet.
And let’s see, what else did I do this month. Oh, I replaced the clutch in my 2cv, and this was only 2 days after my hospital visit.
This is an split engine/gearbox/put clutch in/bolt it all together/what are these extra bolts for? job. I managed to do this literally the day before heading to a car show weekend. I think the stress of getting ready for this little mini-vacation was probably what put me in the hospital.
Oh, and this month I built a stone wall, in my never ending landscaping project…
Oh god, what else? Did I ever mention that I also manage my mom’s property (and she’s in her 80′s), which means mowing and right now – taking care of a shit ton of invasive plant species (Ailanthus trees- millions of them, and poison ivy vines thicker than my leg). Actually the #1 reason I haven’t done a shoot the last few weeks is that I’m recovering from poison ivy I had all over my legs. Mental note Tara, stay out of the fucking poison ivy.
But I do occasionally have time to pretty myself up for a camshow. I’m sorry if what’ I’j doing is not making content for my site, but I have so many other things going on that it’s sorta taken a back seat. Right now it’s webcamming 3 hours 4x a week just so that I can get some sort of financial cushion. The good thing about webcamming is that I do know what I can always make money there, as long as I put the effort into it. Now wether that will grow or dry up I have no idea.
If I look a little tired or worn out in my pictures, it might be to all the activity going on. I’m going to try to force myself to be lazy, which is tough – and for some of the laborious things I do, get someone to help me so I can -I hate to say it- chub up a bit. I’m feeling a bit too fit these days. It might help me to put on a few pounds of fat, actually.
And people wonder why I’m not super social. People who don’t know me also think I’m sitting around on my ass all day because they don’t see a lot of results. Well, those people can basically suck a bag of dicks as far as I’m concerned. My lack of reporting on events is more to do with being too busy and not having a free minute to report on it. Which is the opposite of people who tweet about every little thing but don’t really do anything at all.
Yeah, and someone said I don’t have ADD? Uhh… yeah…
So today I gotta clean the house and reorganize, because of course, the house goes to pot when all these other things are going on. I’ll probably jump on webcam later and then tomorrow, the 4th I think I’m actually going to take the day off to actually be in the presence of other people (which doesn’t happen much).
Anyway, be patient. As crazy as you think my life is, this is just the tip of the iceberg. If I can ever get on top of my finances and devote some time to writing it, you’ll read about it all in my memoirs, which as you can expect, would be a graphic novel, and extremely time consuming to make…